NYSC SZN: Actually Serving – Part 3

It’s quite clear that the time you spend going to your Place of Primary Assignment (PPA), going for CDS on Thursdays or whatever day of the week your Local Government (LG) decides and living in whatever city/town/village said LG is located makes for the main part of the whole NYSC scheme; after all, this is the part you spend the most time on.

For me, I got to serve in Ibadan (‘got to’ as in past tense because my mind isn’t  here again and left to me, I’ve passed out ). If you didn’t know, Ibadan is basically BTEC Lagos. Arguable since there’s probably many other cities across the nation that share more semblance to Lagos but I say this mainly because of the close proximity between both cities.

Ibadan is actually okay. I expected way less but  having been here for close to a year, I’ve come to realise it’s a decent city. It has it’s meh qualities like

– I’ve noticed my English has been heavily affected. I use terms I never would’ve thought would come out of my mouth; also, I have frequent ‘h-factor’ slip-ups (although, it’s likely it’s  just the Yoruba in me manifesting but let’s blame Ibadan)

– Drivers are equally as mad as the ones in Lagos, if not worse even

– The city sleeps way too early. I mean, ordinary 10pm and most places are deserted. 10pm that is like 8pm in Lagos

– At least once a week, I see two men and a goat on a bike

It also has it’s cool qualities like

– Transportation is cheap. There’s legit cab rides that go for N20/N30

-Traffic isn’t  crazy. There’s days this doesn’t  hold but generally, especially when one is used to Lagos. …well

– I want to say things are generally cheap but I’m  still not so sure

Anyway, I’m  more interested in giving a personal primer of the place. By the way,  whatever kind of personality you have, or whatever you define as fun, there’s something for you.

So, personal. I’ve had a whole lot of experiences here, so far. Been to quite a couple of places, had weird experiences with locals, some proper ridiculous things even; basically seen a lot. I should mention that the things you do and the places you go to would be heavily dependent on the people you roll with most; unsurprising anyway. While preparing to move here, my friends who were also going to be here as well and I swore we would hang steady but, LOOOOOOL. I mean, we still saw many times but not as frequently as we expected. A lot of factors contributed but that’s by the way. 

For me, I got to meet someone and we spent literally all our free time together. And so, it’s no surprise that most of the places I went to were with said person.

There’s a whole lot so I’m going to split the content into different parts: one for nice places I’ve been to and the other for the ridiculous experiences and relevant tips. 


Day 7 – Oh, Uche

Prompt: Day 7 – Your opinion on cheating on people


I don’t see myself forgiving Uche. It’s easy for people to beg me to, but I promise you, if they were in my shoes, they wouldn’t.

Uche was the first person I ever loved. Growing up, I wasn’t one to get myself into relationships, or even generally having attachments to people. I had friends, quite alright, both guys and girls, but there never was a case where you could say I was closest to this person, or this person. Contributing to that undoubtedly must have been the fact that I was ugly. At least I thought I was.

Being honest, I was really really ugly. There was no denying it. But Uche, Uche made me feel like the most beautiful thing God created. Uche swore I was the most good-looking human being alive, and I believed Uche, because Uche meant it. Couple this with how well Uche treated me and it’s easy to understand why I fell for Uche so easily. Call me gullible but that was how much game this individual had.

We had loads of conversations, spanning all kinds of topics. I remember this one time we discussed cheating.

I wish you were there. I wish you got to listen to the things Uche said. Solid points. Solid and, well, in tune with what I thought about the topic so it was a very worthwhile conversation.

It does not make sense to genuinely love someone and do anything that would hurt them, or do anything you know they do not like. This covers both the little things and the relatively big ones. You cannot claim to love someone and betray their trust.

People make excuses like ‘it is what is is’. ‘One person is not enough’. ‘It was a mistake’. ‘I don’t know what came over me’ to name a few. All filthy excuses in my opinion. Oh, and the most ridiculous, ‘Mens needs are insatiable. One woman cannot..’ Boy If You Don’t.

As I said, Uche and I shared the same views on cheating -(wrong, if you didn’t get it)- and so, it came as a shock to me when I found out she watched the Game of Thrones season finale without me.

I mean, I know we’re a lesbian couple but still.

Elevator with a Stranger

Not being claustrophobic sure made things a bit more comfortable however I was still in a very unsettled state of mind.

I’d seen many movies with this exact same scenario; with most of them not ending really well. And so, it made sense that I would be scared, confused and worried about my life.

Being stuck in an elevator is something I wouldn’t have ruled out happening, considering the state of electrical power supply in this country is abysmal, mostly. But, being stuck in one with a total stranger who looked very suspect? I didn’t see that coming.

Every other time I visited my friend in her building, I always took the stairs. Not because I was scared of elevators, but because I didn’t even know there was one in the building.

On this particular day, my chest felt the need to inconvenience me big time so walking alone was tough, talk less of walking up 12 flights of stairs. So, when I finally found out there was an elevator in the building, I was grateful to the gods of perfect and convenient timing.

After seeing Get Out, which by the way, in my opinion, was a very daft movie – I’ve never seen a more naive black man in my life. Shame. This isn’t a movie review but words can’t describe how pissed I was after wasting 2 hours of my time watching that filth ~rant over~ – white people became proper suspect to me. They’ve been very sus prior to but Get Out intensified things. (Racist much?? Nah. For the next 3 minutes, try not to be woke please)
Yeah, this would’ve made for a decent story uno, butttttt, trust me to come through with that early morning disappointment ✌


On Becoming – Part 2

I wasn’t really sure what to expect from this man; so far so good anyway. All my life, no one had treated me specially, and so this experience felt alien to me. I slept like a queen that night. No, he did not touch me.

Getting out of bed was going to be tough. I could tell; because I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want all of this to end.

He didn’t rush me or disturb me; he allowed me to stay in bed as long as I wanted.

Night fell quite fast. You know what they say; time passes fast when you’re having fun.

A part of me felt queasy. Everything was going way too perfectly, almost suspicious, very suspicious actually. I disregarded the thoughts and felt it was just me not being used to this star treatment. I wish I listened to myself in retrospect.

The man came to me this particular night. Quite alright, he had been nothing but nice since he brought me home, but this felt different. He was being extra gentle, and kind.

He urged me to soak in his pool. Unbeknownst to him, I could not swim and I was scared of water. However, his kind words trumped my fears and I eventually succumbed. We had a nice chat in the pool.

We got out of the pool and went to chill in his hot tub right after. A part of me felt like a finesse chick but none of this was of my doing; I literally didn’t put myself out there anyway. While in the tub, he helped me apply all sorts of soaps and creams and herbs. At this point, I was so damn wet!

Slowly, I began to feel the temperature rise. The water felt like it was heating up. Being my first time, I assumed this was normal and continued to enjoy my time in the tub.

Have you heard the story of the boiled frog?

I think I slept off. I guess the heat got way too uncomfortable and so I woke startled. I looked up and saw the man staring at me; he had that his cute smile on. A part of me was creeped out though as this smile lasted longer than normal. I looked down to see if it was cleavage. That was when I saw it. My skin had become tan My skin was bright orange.

The steam was killing me, my skin was burning and the discoloration bothered me immensely, I smelled good however but I needed to get out. I tried to but I couldn’t. Slowly, I began to lose consciousness.

This was it. I was dying. In my final moments, I heard him speak, “Honey, food is ready”.

This is my story. My story on becoming Jollof Rice 😊😊


On Becoming – Part 1

My story is not an awesome one; neither is it uninteresting. It’s quite basic. In it’s simplicity, it possesses some depth still. This is my story.

Plain, simple, normal. That’s how anyone you asked would’ve describe me. I didn’t do much. I rarely went out. Spent most of my days indoors, all of my days actually.

Everything changed when I met him. I remember that day; as usual, with my many siblings, I was indoors. I would say home but this wasn’t always our home. We only recently moved here. We used to stay in the wild. Cool, cool life. We would stay out all day, dancing as the wind blew, playing in the rain, frowning when the sun , well, did what the sun does.

They had taken us, my siblings and I. Our parents tried to stop them but their frail arms could only do so much.

So here, new place.

I was only just getting used to life here when he came by and took me. I remember being happy. He was a handsome man. Appeared quite nice. Dark too.

He took me home that night.