#Explain Yourself – Vanessa Carlton

Last night, while going through YouTube, checking out game walkthrough videos, one click led to another, that led to another, that led to another. Until I found myself on a ‘Best of 2000’s music videos’ playlist. You’re probably wondering why I would be going through game walkthrough videos, or not. Either way, I’m going to tell you. Unfortunately, I’m not Bill Gates; but I love games. If possible, I would own every single game but I’m broke so I console myself by watching walkthrough videos and lie to myself that I would have wasted money if I bought this game and that game.

The playlist was wow. It brought back so many memories. Enrique Iglesiais’ Hero, Shakira’s Wherever Whenever (personal favourite), Nelly and Kelly’s Dilemma, countless Sean Paul tracks and Vanessa Carlton’s A Thousand Miles.
Vanessa Carlton’s A Thousand Miles. I don’t think there’s anyone that didn’t/doesn’t like this song. Plus, after it appeared in that movie ‘White Chicks’, love levels escalated. I’d listened to the song millions of times and I love it but I had never seen the video, until last night.

Miss Vanessa, I have questions. Not so many of them but I have questions. Two actually. I would have let this slide if the song was specifically for kids (I was one at the time) but it’s not. Cos kids would easily overlook these things.
First of all, I’m 100% sure the chorus goes,

‘ *funky catchy tune*
And I need you;
And I miss you;
And now I wonder;
If I could fall, into the sky;
Do you think time will pass me by;
Cos you know I’ll walk a thousand miles if I could just seeeee yoouuuu tonight
*funky catchy tune*’

So, question number one – Babe goes on for roughly three minutes about walking a thousand miles and she’s seated the entire video. On God, this is not allowed. Okay, I’m sure she played that song for her boyfriend and he must have felt good, loved even and man must have gotten some ‘waka waka’ that night. If that song was directed at me, I definitely won’t be feeling anything. And Miss Vanessa won’t be getting any that night cos she lacks seriousness.

Sister, if you’re going to sing about walking a thousand miles for me, at least stand up and take five steps, if not five, two. So I’d at least believe you would go fifty steps for me, talk less of a thousand.
I mean, look at this


She’s pressing piano when she’s supposed to be walking. But I’ll pardon her cos she’s probably entertaining a crowd or something.
And here


She’s tapping piano on the streets. I’ll let this slide cos her legs probably hurt and she’s still entertaining

But here


On the beach! ON A BEACH! We’re supposed to be doing romantic walk and you’re using me to press piano on a beach. Congrats Vanessa, you’ve played yourself.
If you guys ask me, this babe was doing #WasteHisTime(whatever-year-the-song-was-released)

Question number two – one part of the chorus goes
‘if I could fall into the sky’


Are you implying that you’re a witch sister? Cos it’s only you that would be thinking of falling into the sky. In fact, don’t answer this particular question. Your answer will definitely piss me off.

That’s all. I saw a whole lot of other videos that annoyed me and I shall be asking questions in subsequent posts. Cos I’m angry.

If you know Vanessa personally, please forward this thing to her so she can write me an official letter explaining herself.