Finally, Some Action

I’ve been praying for some action in my life so I would have a reason to come here. And when I least expect it, my prayers finally get a reply; albeit in the most unexpected place.

Exams are here. I’ve had about four papers already and they were too good. The morning of my fourth paper, I woke up sick. My whole body hurt and I couldn’t feel my head. Not like it stopped me from sitting for the day’s paper or anything; thank God.

I felt I could ‘hard guy’ my way round the whole thing but the pain got so unbearable and I had to drag myself to the Health Centre.

Ideally, nurses and health workers should be empathetic but then in this Nigeria place, what is empathy? So I’m sitting in the waiting area, waiting, obviously, for one of the nurses to attend to me and check my vital signs before I can see a doctor but no, the nurse there was using me, us actually, to press phone. I can be dramatic sometimes; just to be funny uno. And so, I began to shiver violently to attract the nurses’ attention and hopefully get her to get the hint and attend to us. Unfortunately, all my animation was for bants cos she didn’t flinch.

Few minutes later, another nurse came into the place and finally began to attend to us. My turn finally came and I hurriedly jumped on the weighing scale and let her take my temperature quickly because the room was so cold and I wanted to get out as soon as possible. Well, the previous sentence only happened in my head cos this silly nurse was being slow, on purpose I think. She also kept pressing phone. I wonder what is with those nurses and pressing phone.

She finally dropped her phone and motioned me to get on the weighing scale. As I stood and placed my first foot on the thing, a really big nurse came into the room and went straight for the nurse at the corner of the room; the one that didn’t reach to my violent shivering.

I could tell Aunty was angry cos she was shouting as she made her way to the other nurse. So, I’m busy looking at the scale, wondering how my quest to become a buff ting one day could ever come to an actualisation; cos with that the number I was seeing, less said the better….

I got down from the scale and whispered the number to the nurse that was attending to me. Whispered because two good looking girls were in the room and I didn’t want them to know I was paper-weight. I’m still whispering and the nurse keeps saying ‘Ehn’ cos she can’t hear me and then all of a sudden, we begin to hear ‘Boom’ ‘Gbas’ and all those punch sound effects.

Everyone in the room turns around and fixes their eyes on the oddest thing ever. Two nurses, one really big, and the other really small are fighting. The whole thing looked like Mayweather – Pacquiao part two. Never in my life have I ever seen human beings hit that hard; never. I’m talking proper, senior man punches. Have you guys ever seen uppercut in real life? I have…. two even. I didn’t want to laugh cos, I mean, we all know Yoruba women transfer aggression for a living.

Anyway, some lady in the room began to record the whole thing but before she could stabilise her hand to steady the recording, one hand from hell gave her the hottest slap in her life. Yeah, I had to laugh at this point; laugh like a mad person even.

Eventually, other nurses came around to calm things down. I was still laughing but then I felt my head hurt so my laughter changed to tears and I went to see the doctor.

That’s that. I was thinking of adding the part where I lied to a nurse that I had eaten before she gave me an injection and I was seeing double all the way back to my room but that’s not really important so…..

Ah, yes. One more thing before I forget 🙂