Death’s Diary – Page 28

Hey guys! Before you attack me, kamdan and listen. I kinda sorta lost my WordPress password. More like forgot actually. True, I could have easily reset it, but hey, the heart is willing but the body is tired and so, just so I get to have an excuse for going MIA on your asses, I didn’t reset it. So yep, my excuse for not updating #TheTrafficDiaries is that I lost my WordPress password.
Anyway, during the time it was lost, I did make some posts I would drop once I retrieved my password; like this one.
The series continues tomorrow (Catch up if you haven’t read it here and here)
For now however, I’ll be updating one of the series I started that has no specific time it drops :):) Although, what I really planned for today was


But that’s for another time



I’m tired of people condemning me. “Death is such a sad thing”, “Death sucks”, blah blah. I won’t pretend it doesn’t bother me. I have feelings too. But just to clarify, I don’t suck. I didn’t stop sucking my thumb till I was about 15, but I don’t suck anymore.
This is my 28th entry into you Diary; I have a feeling some idiot will get his or her hands on you someday and so, hereon, I will be including some death threats between the lines to scare whoever the idiot may be. Evil right? Haha, I know.
For today, Diary, I want to tell you about my most embarrassing day ever. I can feel you smile, you fool. If you weren’t a stack of  papers, I would have slapped you.
See, I have had so many embarrassing experiences to choose from. I really can’t pick a specific winner and so I would be telling you a few; one today and probably two or three later, depending on how I feel about sharing them with you.
One of my most embarrassing experiences came while I was in SS1/Year 10. You probably know but I was one good looking girl. Second most beautiful uno. Second cos boys fancied this light skinned bitch I hate so much more than me. I feel I’m prettier than her.
As the beautiful girl I was, I got a lot of attention from the boys. Worth noting that I was blessed in the right places; less said the better before someone makes it his life goal to find me and Rape me (Weird though cos I’ve been tight with a guy named Rape sometime ago). Owing to my perfectly arranged assets, overall, I was rated higher than the bloody light skin.
Boys to my left, boys to my right, my front, my back; they were everywhere. At home, at school, church, in hell, the mosque, at the mall, the beach, everywhere. Because of this, I had to be a bitch. Yup. Someone cannot be that fine and be relating with just anybody. Not all brothers are worthy to stand next to this. Being a bitch came naturally. Cos boys knew they had to analyze their situation before they could come near me. Must be funny uno, them asking themselves,


‘Am I fine enough?’


‘Am I rich enough?’


‘Do I deserve her?’


‘Will she look my side?’

I won’t even lie, I love the attention.

All these facts and you should be able to understand how bad it would be for someone in my position to be publicly embarrassed.
Oh yeah, I should add that I was really brilliant. Top of my class. And Dad was/is RICH, asf. Basically

*cries in wealth and riches*

(Explained all this vain talk in previous pages remember, diary?)

On to the important part, my most embarrassing moment came at the worstestest time possible.
My girl, Pride was to celebrate her 18th and I decided to host it cos she’s one of my closest friends and all . Venue for the party was my house, like my personal house. Paid for all the drinks, food, goodies, entertainment cos , I mean

Day of the party came and I tried my best not to out dress my friend cos it was her day after all. All efforts proved futile unfortunately.
The party started around 5pm. It was really cool. Full house and all. When the party was getting hotter, I called everyone’s attention to the stage and made them all sing ‘Happy Birthday’ for Pride. The smile on her face made me so so happy. We had planned to do a dance routine just for bants and to also show off our perfectly toned butts.
And so, we went to change into our grey bum shorts with white tees that read, ‘Pride and Death, we go hand in hand’.
As we walked to the center of the stage, boys all over began to make silly noises. They were so so excited.
As the DJ began to play Dillow Francis and DJ Snake’s Get Low, me and my girls began to work our waists for the man dem


All of a sudden, I began to feel funny in my shorts. It was feeling kinda moist. That’s when I remembered, I was on my period.
I’d rather not go into details but a brief summary of what went down is this –
Apparently, I didn’t position my pad well enough so it kinda slipped out of place.
So there I was, twerking away; showing off a red disgusting spot on my ass. Must be the reason the noise unusually involved a lot of giggles.

I didn’t step out of my house for a month.

Yeah, that was weird and nasty, but hey, I control all the content you see here so


See you another time. Bye

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