I’m In My Feelings

I’m in my feelings right now.

There’s so much I want to say but I’d rather not. It’s not that I can’t; it’s just, I know there will be consequences, a ripple effect I wouldn’t want to see happen, occurrences I would prefer remain in my imagination, a couple broken relationships. So I’ll keep these feelings to myself.

Or not.

Many times, I want to share stuff; thoughts, feelings, a random story, stuff generally, with a friend, or a close companion. And just as I’m about to hit them up, I stop myself.

Would they care? Like really care. I mean, we all got our problems. I get the feeling I would be bothering them. And since these people are gentle souls that prefer to keep the harsh comments to themselves, they’ll pretend to care. But that’s not what I want. I need them to actually care. To actually be interested in these things I want to share.

There’s someone though. We vibe; zing even (that thing from the Hotel Transylvania movie) I believe this person feels me, understands me. Cos this person listens to me; allows me bother them with my sometimes really dumb stories, or thoughts. It’s a reciprocal thing anyway.

It’s a good thing, what this person and I have.

But to be honest, there are times when I sit and think about it.

Am I overestimating my importance maybe?

For real though, I know I shouldn’t feel these feels I’m feeling because of the way things are setup. Unfortunately, I can’t control the way things as delicate as this work. Catching feels finna be one of the 1000 ways to die.

Surely at a point in time, we all have gone through this – someone having high level importance in your life, cos that’s how much you feel them, but unfortunately, you don’t have the same gravity of importance in theirs. So saddening. It’s how I feel things between me and this person are. I consider them as the one I’m closest to; put them on a pedestal sort of. Even though I know this person probably doesn’t have me on something as short as a stool. And boy, it does hurt seeing them vibe with others, when they are the only one I vibe with.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not lonely. But relationships come in different depths.

I’m magnanimous with my feelings. I don’t know what that word means or how it makes sense in that sentence but I really felt like using it. What I meant to say is, I’m generous with my feelings. I’m the kind of person that prefers to see another happy at the expense of my happiness. It’s just who I am. Be not deceived, I can be a very shitty person too; we all have the tendency after all.

In all this, I think what I’m trying to say is I really just want someone who rates me as high as I do them. Someone who holds me in high regard as much as I do them. I’m still young so there’s a lot of time. That person is somewhere out there. But in my heart, I really really wish that person could and would be this person I already sorta think I have a thing with 😐

Just to ruin the moment, this silly joke popped into my head
What does the prostitute call the device she uses to listen to music?
Her herpes
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Earpiece

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