This is Technically a Waste of Your Time

I’m Tired Of This Shit

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Naah, you definitely didn’t guess right. It’s traffic, Lagos flippin’ traffic. A journey that should naturally take 30-40 minutes magically turns to 2 hours or 27 days because Lagos traffic doesn’t give half a shit of mans feelings.

A wise man once said, ‘ To pass time, do something’.

LOL

You’re gullible. No one said anything like that, I made it up. Heck, it doesn’t make any sense.
Anyway, since that fake quote sorta carries a little wisdom, I shall be doing something relevant with the hours and days of my life that Lagos traffic steady sucks away.
This relevant thing will be a kind of series. Yeah, my consistency here isn’t the most dependable but I feel you shouldn’t be worried cos Lagos traffic is ever present. Although, as I’m writing distin, the road is unusually free. Maybe I shouldn’t go on with this

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Just joking; I will.

Off topic, it’s worth noting that I’ve grown to love this green frog that for some reason has a facial expression for every single thing. His name is Skibo. Yeah, that Kesh guy knows him to. Were g’s though.

As I was saying, this series thing will be called #TheTrafficDiaries. Name isn’t bang but I suck at titles so manage that one. It was either #Afu…. I’m better off not saying that.

Since I can’t vouch for my consistency, actually I can but there will be days where I purposely won’t do anything relevant, posts under the series will appear bi-daily (I don’t care if this word exists but it rolls of the tongue sexily :)). Well damn, the hold-up’s begun again.  On some occasions though, I might drop them daily but that’s for me to decide.

So far, the wise ones among you, which obviously means none of you will have noticed that I’m kind of really excited. I am, but that’s a story for another time.

Off topic again, just in case any of you see me anywhere over the next few days, kindly slap the devil out of me cos I literally bit my tongue on my first word to this high-grade light skin next to me. Oh gods of fuck up, why do this to me?,

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By the way, sorry, there won’t be a story or anything to follow this introduction; asin in this post. I’m busy thinking of how I’ll balance with Assassins Creed Unity soon (First title in the series I’m playing playing cos I hated the last one I did). I know, I’m carrying last. But is it your last?

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Anyway, that will be all for this post. Leave me to go and start asking God to send cool stuff my way so I’ll have stories to tell. In case you’re wondering, I’m not done sharing Death’s Diary with you. But due to some recent confrontations by her, (Thank God for God) I had to strategically time when the pages can appear here. Been studying her internet movement.

So till next time guys. One more thing, again, I need suggestions. I want to stab work on Thursday so I get a four day weekend. Anyone with reasonable ‘excuses’ should please epp me. Your response will be highly appreciated. And you never know, if I love your excuse, I might give you one million dollar pounds.

Namaste 🙏

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The Girl in the Purple Dress

I haven’t dropped anything in my comfort zone for a while now and so today, I won’t be doing weird like the past two weeks or so.

This is a story from a while back; From my first days at Uni.

I remember how going to Uni for the first time was. Haha, I’m lying. I don’t remember cos there weren’t any feelings. I won’t bother with unnecessary details though and go straight to the point.

If there’s a memory from my first semester in Uni that would never leave my mind, it would be the one about the girl in the purple dress.

If you think this is a romantic something, prepare to be disappointed

I wasn’t familiar with the school environment. I had been there a couple times prior to getting enrolled there but I never learned my way around.

The way my school is set up, lectures started the same week we resumed. At least I think so cos that’s what I remember.

It took eternity to find where my first ever lecture in Uni was going to hold. I was with some friends though so I knew if there was any form of embarrassment that came with getting to that lecture late, I wouldn’t suffer it alone.

Luckily, we found the place about 10 minutes to the time for the lecture to start; and because 100 level, everybody forming initial gra gra, and stuff, the place was full.

First lecture was alright; GEC 117. We didn’t learn anything cos all we did that morning was choose course reps. Stupidest procedure ever uno. We basically selected the guys that were in suits and the babes that were more attractive, out of the aspirants that came out that is.

As I said earlier, first lecture was alright. What I didn’t tell you is that it wasn’t alright all through. About an hour in, my stomach began to complain. I ate a lot of nonsense the previous night so I really wasn’t surprised. I got up, stepped out and began to walk.

And then it hit me.

I didn’t know where the toilet was.

While holding the stubborn thing and asking upandan, I finally found the place. The one I was directed to was located awkwardly; kind of open, and it wasn’t gender specific. But ki lo kan me. The desperation was 🔥 and so I got in and proceeded to do my business.

It didn’t occur to me that the door could be opened anytime initially but once it crossed my mind, I positioned myself awkwardly in a way I would continue doing my business and hold the door shut.

See, I hate being uncomfortable when I’m doing my business so I said a short prayer, stating how I wanted to have an uninterrupted, calming session but just before I could send the prayer up with an amen; I saw the light. And purple.

Yup, light.

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Before I could recover from the shock of seeing the door open, a girl I couldn’t identify because of the darkness stepped in and stared at me.

It had been 8 seconds (cos I was counting) and this bitch (no apologies) kept staring.

She had them curves though; darkness can’t hide those. And she wore a purple dress.

After an awkward 13 seconds, she finally stepped out. I didn’t hear footsteps fade out so I knew this girl was waiting for me.

I think I cried. I didn’t have any form of reputation yet and this girl was going to help me start Uni with embarrassment.

I won’t say how I had to wait for an hour or so till there wasn’t any sound; or how I tried to find the girl in the purple dress so I would kill her and hide her body; or how I covered my face; or how I didn’t tell any of my guys till date; or how I’m scared this girl has been seeing me for the past few years and smiles cos she knows I don’t know she knows I don’t know she’s the one that had the purple dress on and came into the toilet that morning.

I still don’t know who it was obviously. But in case you ever see this

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I’m In My Feelings

I’m in my feelings right now.

There’s so much I want to say but I’d rather not. It’s not that I can’t; it’s just, I know there will be consequences, a ripple effect I wouldn’t want to see happen, occurrences I would prefer remain in my imagination, a couple broken relationships. So I’ll keep these feelings to myself.

Or not.

Many times, I want to share stuff; thoughts, feelings, a random story, stuff generally, with a friend, or a close companion. And just as I’m about to hit them up, I stop myself.

Would they care? Like really care. I mean, we all got our problems. I get the feeling I would be bothering them. And since these people are gentle souls that prefer to keep the harsh comments to themselves, they’ll pretend to care. But that’s not what I want. I need them to actually care. To actually be interested in these things I want to share.

There’s someone though. We vibe; zing even (that thing from the Hotel Transylvania movie) I believe this person feels me, understands me. Cos this person listens to me; allows me bother them with my sometimes really dumb stories, or thoughts. It’s a reciprocal thing anyway.

It’s a good thing, what this person and I have.

But to be honest, there are times when I sit and think about it.

Am I overestimating my importance maybe?

For real though, I know I shouldn’t feel these feels I’m feeling because of the way things are setup. Unfortunately, I can’t control the way things as delicate as this work. Catching feels finna be one of the 1000 ways to die.

Surely at a point in time, we all have gone through this – someone having high level importance in your life, cos that’s how much you feel them, but unfortunately, you don’t have the same gravity of importance in theirs. So saddening. It’s how I feel things between me and this person are. I consider them as the one I’m closest to; put them on a pedestal sort of. Even though I know this person probably doesn’t have me on something as short as a stool. And boy, it does hurt seeing them vibe with others, when they are the only one I vibe with.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not lonely. But relationships come in different depths.

I’m magnanimous with my feelings. I don’t know what that word means or how it makes sense in that sentence but I really felt like using it. What I meant to say is, I’m generous with my feelings. I’m the kind of person that prefers to see another happy at the expense of my happiness. It’s just who I am. Be not deceived, I can be a very shitty person too; we all have the tendency after all.

In all this, I think what I’m trying to say is I really just want someone who rates me as high as I do them. Someone who holds me in high regard as much as I do them. I’m still young so there’s a lot of time. That person is somewhere out there. But in my heart, I really really wish that person could and would be this person I already sorta think I have a thing with 😐

Just to ruin the moment, this silly joke popped into my head
What does the prostitute call the device she uses to listen to music?
Her herpes
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Earpiece

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Death’s Diary – Page 2

Owing to the events that transpired exactly a week ago, I have been experiencing an unusual , uh, paralysis so to say. Ever since I lay my hands on that odd looking book with eerie content, at the most unexpected times at irregular intervals, I get this feeling inside me and I lose control of my body.
Just the other night, I was in bed, waiting for the sleep to take over me and all of a sudeen, I began to hear voices in the hallway. Curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to know what it was that was generating the sounds.
This was the third time it happened. The first two times, I ignored it and felt it was something that everyone experiences once in a while. But I asked around and no one else had experienced more than once in their life.
As I began to get off the bed, I realized I couldn’t move. I was conscious quite alright but I couldn’t move any part of my body. My arms, my legs, I couldn’t even about. But I could see. My eyes could see everything. Including the dark figure with yellow glowing eyes approaching…….

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One of the perks of being Death is, I get to have some abilities that are supposed to make my job easier to execute. One of these perks, if not the most important, is Invisibility. Yes, I can be in a room full of little children and they won’t even know I was there.
Like the average John Doe in the street, I love to have fun. And so, occassionaly, I go into the locker rooms of sportsmen and feast my eyes on some man candy. Girl just wanna have fun you know.
The other day, I was going through some files in my office and I came across The World War 2 file. Funny as it may sound, I really don’t know anything about World War 2. I trusted Confusion and Misunderstanding fully and let them execute the assignment with no disturbance or pressure.
I began to read through and I got to know some scary scary stuff.
It may sound odd, but I hate pointless killing. This is because I’m a creative person and the act of a human being dying should have a finesse to it. That’s what I believe personally. And so, someone just…dying…. That’s boring.
So, The Holocaust.
I’m stale, I know. But I have to say; That 👏 Is 👏 The 👏 Dumbest 👏 Thing 👏 I 👏 Have 👏 Ever 👏 Seen.
Okay, so let me try to understand. A group of people deem it extremely important to exterminate an entire ‘race’. Not race exactly but it sort of fits the part.
In case you do not know, the Germans felt they needed to kill every single Jew in Europe simply because they were Jews. Not that they offended anyone. They were just Jews. And so these guys rounded up the Jews in concentration camps and burnt them alive in gas chambers. Apart from this, they also had other ways of killing the Jews.
To be honest, I’m impressed. Cos burning people alive in gas chambers is one creative method of death.
The Holocaust story was intriguing and I was even considering giving my assistants, Confusion and Misunderstanding a raise.
And then I got to page 28 and the content of that page irritated me beyond anything beyondable.
So in all this Holocaust genocide pointless mass killing thing, some retarded human beings decided to actually use other human beings as test subjects for crazy experiments.
The most notable of these retards being Josef Mengele.
Man, you human beings are SAVAGES. You make my job too too easy cos you’re so so stupid.
So, this Josef individual would take people from the camps and perform experiments on them. He froze people, injected stuff into childrens eyes to try to change the color, amongst other disgusting, heartless things.
The one thing that annoyed me was this; like, take a look at this

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I’m Death. I’ve seen some scary ass stuff but this is plain nasty.
Anyway Diary, I’m way too pissed to go on. This was basically the highlight of my day.
I forgot to mention; they never actually caught the Mengele guy. He actually escaped and lived his life.
I’ve sacked those idiot assistants in case you’re wondering.
Oh well, Diary, I’m just sick of humans.
Gotta go now. I have some lives to take. We shall see tomorrow 😘

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