Morning guys! I’m here to ruin your Monday for you ☺. So I came across this brown leather diary whilst snooping around a graveyard somewhere. I began to go through it and it was one weird, scary and dark work of art. Some pages in, I heard footsteps approaching behind me and I had to run. The book was too bulky for me to run with and so I tore out a few pages and I’ve decided to share them with you. So, if there are any consequences that follow having any knowledge of the contents of this queer book, I won’t suffer them alone
My name is Death. Contrary to popular belief, I am a very good person. Yes, I may have taken that person you love; your mum, dad, girlfriend, wife, husband, brother, sister, grandmother (Ugh, they’re so boring to take), and even your child (My personal favorite), but really I’m just a very nice individual that tries my best to be thorough at doing my job.
I’ve been around for a very long time. Longer than most of you humans, in fact, I was around long before any of you that I haven’t taken were born.
When I was much younger, I was a very gentle soul. Calm, cool and gentle. But then I enjoyed playing once in a while.
Being the only girl in my family, growing up was tough. And then being the daughter of Chaos, life wasn’t so smooth. Dad is another cool guy. The only problem with him is that he tends to go off at the most random times, causing problems and disorderliness.
Mum on the other hand was evil. Oh my; it’s a bit harsh to say something like that about my Mum but she’s one cold, evil bitch (I hope she doesn’t see this). Her name is Love.
Then there’s my brother, Sin. I love him to death (that sounds awkward). Sin is my role model. Everybody loves him. He is the child my parents adore the most; the boy every girl wants to be with; the kind of person every young child wants to be like when they grow up. The thing that made everyone love Sin was that he always did his job with absolute finesse. Sin defined being thorough. Give him an assignment and he would deliver with precision and speed. Such a lovable and perfect guy. I wish my real best friend , Sleep could learn and thing or two from him.
And then, there’s my retard tomboy sister I despise so much. SHE IS SUCH A SLUT. She’s a few minutes older than me but she acts like it’s ten years or something. Her name is Promiscuous. Ah, describing Promiscuous is a task only her boyfriend, Cheat can explain. So I’ll leave that for him to do sometime later. By the way, I don’t count her as a girl.
And then my baby brother, Adultery-Fornication. His name is unusually long and I can’t wrap my head around why it is. He’s a cute little thing but we’re all low key scared of him because he’s too smart for his age and has started delivering at tasks handed to him. I’m guessing he’ll grow up to be better than Sin.
My family is a weird one. Dad’s father, Love-of-Money offended a man named Lucifer many decades ago and he was cursed to be the father of all evil. I don’t get what that means but I’m guessing it has something to do with why my family is multiple shades of abnormal.
After Grandpa Love-Of-Money, who by the way doesn’t want to die, annoyed Lucifer and was cursed, every one that came after him in our town is born with a task or assignment handed to us at birth. And whether we like it or not, we have to deliver, else something terrible happens to us. Nobody knows what it is but since Uncle Women-Cant-Jump-Into-Conclusions disappeared mysteriously, leaving his assignment of stopping women from jumping into conclusions halfway done, we’ve all been doing our jobs well to avoid the same fate.
Since the day I was born, my parents always told me I am a special child and I have the toughest assignment. I didn’t understand initially but as I went from class to class in school, learning all that my job entails, I began to slowly grasp the whole complexity of my job.
Being Death is fun. I started out doing my job with a little or almost no confidence. Although, I’m suspecting it was because my ‘gay’ best friend, Fear (I tell my family he’s gay so they don’t suspect anything anytime he comes to my room and we lock the door. With that lie and my baby brother’s help, well, the things we do are……) was with me.
My young mind made me weak. My conscience existed which isn’t a good attribute for someone with my job. This explains why guys like Noah, Adam and those guys were on Earth for a very long time. There’s this particular guy, Methuselah. Loved him. He’s still the hardest assignment I have ever handled.
As I grew older, things got easier and tougher. Tougher because I was unexplainably hot and beautiful and boys like Lies, Good-Intentions (very cunning guy 😒), Rape and Peace were always on my case. And easier because you human beings made my job easier.
Let me explain. Initially, I had to sit and think of different ideas of how to execute my job. It was so so tough. My ex, Accidents helped from time to time though but I wasn’t so creative so things were rough.
By the time I was 16, I had my first child. It was Rape’s child but he was nowhere to be found when word about the baby was out. My son’s name is Anger by the way.
Being a teen mom, I had to slow down a bit with my job. Slowing down ironically meant making sure I was faster with my assignments so that I would have more free time. It was around this time I presented my big idea to Daddy. It was called World War End, but Sin suggested I change the name to World War 1, in case I would need to do another version of the project later.
Daddy approved and I executed my project perfectly. This bought me a few idle years to take care of Anger.
I later got married to Technology. Guys, I don’t know where to start describing him from. He’s the most beautiful man you will ever see (emphasis on will 😆). I’ll tell you how we met later.
We had our first child together, Deceit, not so long after the World War 1 project.
I needed time off work again so I told my assistants, Confusion and Misunderstanding to come up with a good idea and they eventually did. We called it World War 2. Shout out to Adolf Hitler. Thanks for your contribution bro.
Older and very experienced now, my job has never been mo……..
Page 2 drops next week 🙂
Announcement – don’t attack me. This is simply creative writing.
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