How I Was Mistaken for A Kidnapper Because of A Ghost

Hi guys! Good Mornternoon! I know, I know, that’s probably the dumbest thing you’ve heard this year but remember my Igbo friend, he says it a lot, and to be honest, I find it really funny.

Moving on, I have a very scary story to tell you.
Yesterday was not a funny day. After church, my parents went out and I was home alone. Since NEPA didn’t want me to play FIFA or watch any match, I decided to watch Scandal a bit. An episode later, I got bored and decided to go play with the dog.

Few minutes later, NEPA turned up. While moving about the house, trying to decide what to do, I heard someone call me name. For some reason, I casually answered, ‘Ma!?’.
And then it hit me

First of all, I was home alone.
Second, I was the only one at home.
Third, it was only I who occupied the building at the moment.
Fourth, only one individual was present in the arena and it was I.
Fifth, there was just one person in the abode and it was me.

Call it cowardice or what you want but I ran straight out of the house and grabbed the car key on my way out. I didn’t even care that I had no shirt on but I wasn’t gonna stay inside that house.

Sometime back, I heard that if you answered when someone calls your name and there’s no one around, ghosts and witches are lurking nearby.

No way I was going to take any risks, I mean, I’m not ready for the other side yet.

And so, with some adrenaline inspired speed, I opened the gate, grabbed our dog  and threw her in the car cos them spirits could enter her and it’s my responsibility to clean up her cage, play with her and pack her poop so I couldn’t let her get possessed cos she has easy access to attack me whenever she pleases, and drove off.

And so, shirtless, dog in the passenger seat, and confused, I began to drive around with no particular destination in mind.
After about 20 minutes of aimless confused merry go rounding, I called my mum to tell her about my predicatement but she wasn’t picking.

Long story short, I got lost and MTN didn’t let Google maps open. Luckily, a car passed by and I decided to follow it in case the driver was headed somewhere familiar.

So that’s how I followed this particular car for a good 10 minutes. Occassionaly, I noticed that the driver increased her speed and I had to speed up too to avoid losing her.

Na so I notice say madam dey panic. For some reason, the woman thought I was tailing her and she got scared. I could tell cos she began to make some unnecessary turns and she drove really fast. Initially, I didn’t underatand , but I was lost so I had to keep up.
We finally got to a familiar place and I attempted to overtake madam but she kept blocking my way. Some two minutes later, she parked right in middle of the road, obviously blocking me from making any progress. And then she came down from the car along with two large men and another woman.

They began to walk towards me. One of the women tapped my window and I rolled it down, only to be welcomed by a Yoruba woman raining some abuses on me.

I was really lost but when I calmed down, I began to understand that they thought I was a kidnapper or thief cos I had been following them. I tried to explain that a ghost was in my house and I ran away and got lost and followed them cos I was lost but they weren’t ready to listen. My being shirtless and the dog playing around the car didn’t help in convincing them.

When I didn’t know what to do again cos they threatened to call the police on me, I got down and prostrated and apologized.
Bless the Lord with me cos they let me go.
And so, very annoyed and frustrated, I made my way back home. Those ghosts were gonna pay for the embarrassment they caused me.

I really thought that was all the frustration the day had to offer.
Unfortunately, the dog had other plans. She got very restless and began to jump anyhow. I put her on my lap and tried to calm her down and I drove back home.

I watched as she lifted her tail

And then it happened

Silly girl pooped on my laps

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The Most Confusing Day Ever

Hi Guys! I wish I could apologize for my brief absence. Mental laziness plus ‘nothing worth sharing’ happening recently are to blame. I’m a based on a true story kinda guy so when nothing fun happens, I have nothing to share with you guys. Just one of the cons of the job.
Luckily, something worth sharing happened not to long ago and I will be giving you a lowdown in a bit.
Now, this is just a mini story, very short and to the point so don’t worry, it won’t take too much of your time.
Before I proceed, I need you guys to understand that I have issues with adults that are not Yoruba. I can’t explain. It’s not a ‘tribalist’ thing though. I have many friends who fall in that category. Different experiences here and there are to blame but that’s a story for another day.
So here goes; Enjoy:

Sometime last week, a senior colleague at work, who I don’t really get along with called me to his office and told me he needed me to help him deposit some money at the GTbank branch close by.
I looked at my wristwatch and it was 4:37pm. While trying to explain to him that banks close at 4pm, in case he didn’t know, he began to shout some funky things in Igbo and since I don’t like wahala, especially wahala from people that speak languages I don’t understand, I carried myself to the bank, stared at the closed entrance for a minute or two, and went back to the office.
I was back in this guys office at 4:54pm. I close at 5:00pm.
After waiting for him to be done with his phone call, I explained to him that the bank was closed and that as every human being in the world knows, banks close at 4:00pm.
I was about leaving his office after returning his money to him when he called me back and asked, ‘Are you alright?’.

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‘Are you deaf? Can’t hear me talking to you?’
When I came back to reality, I said, ‘Yes. No. I can’, answering all his questions. I’m guessing he felt that was rude cos he got up and began to shout in Igbo. I just stood there and waited for him to finish.
After about 5 minutes of him making noise and probably asking Amadioha to give him some wisdom and calmness, I interrupted him and explained that banks close at 4:00pm and that it is not possible to deposit money at 4:37pm.
He was quiet for about 15 seconds after I told him this. I thought he understood me, but no, he told me to take a seat and bega to preach to me about irresponsibility and problem solving. He went on and on about doing what you’re told to and making sure to do so with excellence.
The entire time, I just sat there and watched like

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Cos I was confused. I couldn’t understand his angle. It wasn’t acute, it wasn’t obtuse, it wasn’t even right. And so for about 10 minutes, I’m listening to a confused individual, explain unnecessary stuff to me.
The whole thing got more confusing when this man began to give me tales by fluorescent light about how as a young man, he messed up an order he was given. I tried not to voice it out but I was thinking

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I couldn’t stand up and leave so this was me battling with my understanding the whole time

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He finally stopped and I regrettably uttered the following sentence, ‘But Sir, banks close at 4 and..’
That was the worst thing I’ve done this year people. Cos this guy got up and began to really rain abuses and curses on me.
In front of me is a man shouting in Igbo, but what I’m seeing really is

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Eventually, at about 6:20pm, he got tired and allowed me leave. Man made me spend an hour and a half overtime. Sigh, I always knew

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Throughout the rest of the day, I kept trying to understand where I went wrong.
The next day came and he didn’t say anything about the money. I knew he had not deposited it. It was 3:45pm and I was wondering if this man still needed to get this thing to the bank.
4:50pm came and I was already preparing to go to my house.
Just as I clocked out and opened the main entrance to leave, I heard the dreaded Igbo-adulterated-english voice shout my name.

No way I’m getting shouted at for having sense, and so I ran out as fast as I could and headed home.

Spent the next day in his office but that’s a story for another day.

The money has been deposited, if you’re wondering.

Yes, I lied about this being a mini story

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