Hi guys! Good Mornternoon! I know, I know, that’s probably the dumbest thing you’ve heard this year but remember my Igbo friend, he says it a lot, and to be honest, I find it really funny.
Moving on, I have a very scary story to tell you.
Yesterday was not a funny day. After church, my parents went out and I was home alone. Since NEPA didn’t want me to play FIFA or watch any match, I decided to watch Scandal a bit. An episode later, I got bored and decided to go play with the dog.
Few minutes later, NEPA turned up. While moving about the house, trying to decide what to do, I heard someone call me name. For some reason, I casually answered, ‘Ma!?’.
And then it hit me
First of all, I was home alone.
Second, I was the only one at home.
Third, it was only I who occupied the building at the moment.
Fourth, only one individual was present in the arena and it was I.
Fifth, there was just one person in the abode and it was me.
Call it cowardice or what you want but I ran straight out of the house and grabbed the car key on my way out. I didn’t even care that I had no shirt on but I wasn’t gonna stay inside that house.
Sometime back, I heard that if you answered when someone calls your name and there’s no one around, ghosts and witches are lurking nearby.
No way I was going to take any risks, I mean, I’m not ready for the other side yet.
And so, with some adrenaline inspired speed, I opened the gate, grabbed our dog and threw her in the car cos them spirits could enter her and it’s my responsibility to clean up her cage, play with her and pack her poop so I couldn’t let her get possessed cos she has easy access to attack me whenever she pleases, and drove off.
And so, shirtless, dog in the passenger seat, and confused, I began to drive around with no particular destination in mind.
After about 20 minutes of aimless confused merry go rounding, I called my mum to tell her about my predicatement but she wasn’t picking.
Long story short, I got lost and MTN didn’t let Google maps open. Luckily, a car passed by and I decided to follow it in case the driver was headed somewhere familiar.
So that’s how I followed this particular car for a good 10 minutes. Occassionaly, I noticed that the driver increased her speed and I had to speed up too to avoid losing her.
Na so I notice say madam dey panic. For some reason, the woman thought I was tailing her and she got scared. I could tell cos she began to make some unnecessary turns and she drove really fast. Initially, I didn’t underatand , but I was lost so I had to keep up.
We finally got to a familiar place and I attempted to overtake madam but she kept blocking my way. Some two minutes later, she parked right in middle of the road, obviously blocking me from making any progress. And then she came down from the car along with two large men and another woman.
They began to walk towards me. One of the women tapped my window and I rolled it down, only to be welcomed by a Yoruba woman raining some abuses on me.
I was really lost but when I calmed down, I began to understand that they thought I was a kidnapper or thief cos I had been following them. I tried to explain that a ghost was in my house and I ran away and got lost and followed them cos I was lost but they weren’t ready to listen. My being shirtless and the dog playing around the car didn’t help in convincing them.
When I didn’t know what to do again cos they threatened to call the police on me, I got down and prostrated and apologized.
Bless the Lord with me cos they let me go.
And so, very annoyed and frustrated, I made my way back home. Those ghosts were gonna pay for the embarrassment they caused me.
I really thought that was all the frustration the day had to offer.
Unfortunately, the dog had other plans. She got very restless and began to jump anyhow. I put her on my lap and tried to calm her down and I drove back home.
I watched as she lifted her tail
And then it happened
Silly girl pooped on my laps
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