I Was Here

agirlnamedewa

 

       Everyday contributes to a part of your future. It also has everything to do with your past. I think about my actions after every day; I think about the conversations I had and point out things I should have done better or things I should have or shouldn’t have said, making a mental note to myself about changes I should make in preparation for the future.

       Almost every day, people pass through various institutions and establish different kinds of relations with other people. It’s always important to leave a good impression and make a change, such that when you’re done, you can boldly say “I was here.”

       Just a few months ago, I sat at one of the tables in my school’s Biology lab, looking for where I had signed my name. It had become a habit for me. Almost every class, I dedicated a minute…

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Prodigy

Mood :

 

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Twerk with me people!

What’s up? So yesterday, I mentioned the discovery of  new talent yeah? Well, today, I’m going to reveal it.

I’m an artist. And a very good one indeed. Forget Picasso, Da Vinci and those other dead guys; my talent surpasses theirs and my skills are growing exponentially. I mean, for God’s sake, I’ve made two great masterpieces. No jokes, some art lovers are going to be looking for me to buy them soon.

I’m a nice guy, so I’ll gladly share them with you guys. What does it profit a man to lit a candle and place it inside his toilet bowl? Why shall an artist create greatness on a pastel and hide it inside his wallet?

Before I share these works of magic with you, I need you to understand why I woke up twerking. I feel a good day looming. I’m a year older today (Lowkks) but it’s not that.  I’ve probably jinxed it by talking about it but hey, ‘All In or Nothing’ right.

Anyway, here you go. I honestly didn’t have to make this post but I’m too excited not to

picasso baby 2

picasso baby

 

 

If you can’t see the greatness in these, pour hot oil in your eyes and sleep

Why Not To Go For The Pretty Ones

Hi Guys! I’m too excited so permit me to skip any introduction.

My imagination is too wild. It tends to over think things sometimes. A couple days ago, I was at the University Chapel. I didn’t have anything to do there but I felt this urge to be there. I got there and began to feel stupid when it dawned on me that all I could do while I was there was sit and observe. So

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Not too long after I was seated, a guy and a girl walked in and sat not too far from me. I could tell these two were a couple because of the way they spoke plus the way their bodies were positioned screamed couple. But then the girl was too pretty and the guy well, he basically didn’t look like the type she’d go for. That’s none of my business anyway. Beauty is in the h’eye of the beholder.

I’m not a creep and I do like minding my business so don’t start wondering why I was observing a couple; I had nothing to do.

These guys didn’t say much to each other. They mostly stared into each other’s eyes and cuddled at what looked like rehearsed intervals.

All was going fine and to be honest I was getting a bit bored by the environment and then a random guy walked up to the couple. After a handshake with guy, pretty girl stood and hugged random guy. He left and the couple continued with their silent discussion. Soon after, another random guy came by and the same thing that happened with random guy one happened again. Only difference was that this random guy had a brief chat with pretty girl.

I noticed a frown on pretty girl’s guy’s face. Yes, I began to laugh. It wasn’t so funny initially, but when more random guys came by, the whole thing got too hilarious. The random guy list was about 8 guys long. Main guy was obviously pissed but he calmed down. Understandable. Understandable because I’m sure he knows if he messes up, the speed pretty girl will clock to get a new guy would shock him for life.

Minutes passed and no other random guy came by. I was about leaving when I felt the show was over; and then…

Yeah, you must have guessed it; another random guy came by. This one was definitely bad ass cos he actually stayed quite far from where we were and called pretty girl over. I felt my ribs almost piercing through my flesh cos the whole thing was too funny. The second pretty girl got up to go meet random guy…….18 or so, her guy got up and left.

I can be stupid at times 🙂 Know what I did? Of course you don’t.

Well I walked up to pretty girl’s main guy and asked him ’How’s everything?’

I didn’t bother waiting for him to understand cos he’s twice my size and no way I want to get the wind knocked out of me so I ran away.

Moral Lesson – Life is better when your girlfriend isn’t all that pretty and has no friends 🙂

I find this story extremely funny. You’re weird if you don’t. Cheers

Oh, before I forget, I just discovered I have a new talent. Expect the big reveal very soon

Cry For Me Please

I have a new favorite movie – The Book Thief. Don’t take my word for it, it’s not all that. I love the movie first because I found my wife in it, and second because, well I don’t know. Plus I learnt to describe stuff as though my eyes could speak. Try it. That’s by the way.

Not much has been happening in the Life of Shovel. Reason? I don’t know. Nothing fun wants to happen. This is how my life goes basically now – class, study, study, sleep, and the obvious things I need not list. But you can trust me to find something to tell. Here goes

You know what I hate more than quiet toilets in this life? Of course you don’t.

Breath. Bad breath. It’s common knowledge that bad breath is the worst thing in this life. Surely you know I’ll never state a point without backing it up with a personal story.

About an hour ago, I needed a drink so obviously I went to get one. The buttery was crowded as usual and as usual, again, a brother had to struggle and hustle to get a bottle of Fanta.

This story is one best told with a diagram to illustrate.

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I’m the blue dot. The yellow dot is one guy that needs three or four cans of tic-tac. The green lines represent good air. And the red lines represent fire; i.e. bad air.

As you can see, I am surrounded by a heavy and concentrated dose of ‘practically literal fire’. And you should also clearly see how the good air is struggling to get to me.

So I’m busy struggling, hoping the attendant answers me quickly when this really fair (light-skin) guy decides to stand right beside me although were facing different directions. I was getting frustrated a bit cos I had been waiting for a long time. Plus the place was hot. The second I mistakenly thought it couldn’t get worse, I began to perceive a deadly and evil odor. No jokes, the last time anything smelled that bad was back in Chemistry class in Secondary school when I worked with Ammonia (Fun fact – Ammonia smells like concentrated urine).

My senses shut down temporarily. The smell was messing with my feelings. Believe you me when I say I thought about every bad thing I’ve done, every lie I’ve told, everything I’ve taken without permission, everyone I had offended and how I could apologize cos this devilish son of a soak-away stink breath reached that deep into my soul.

All the osmosis and Zeroth law of thermodynamics lectures came into play. I have never understood the principle of equilibrium setting this well until that exact moment.

My knowledge of; to be honest I don’t know of what exactly made me quickly deduce the source of this specially prepared disturbingly smelly potion of hell.

This yellow dot guy is taller than me so my nose is like directly in line with his mouth. No matter how hard I tried to evade or weave or dodge the fire from this young man’s mouth, the smell hit me hard. To make things worse, he casually and conveniently kept on yelling ‘TWO h-EGGROLL’. Which brings me to Yoruba people and our H-factor issues. Lemme not enter that topic right now cos I doubt I’ll stop.

Anyway, common sense told me to excuse myself. I went to my room, folded into a ball and cried briefly. My eyes and nose hurt. I couldn’t smell stuff properly for about an hour. This guy’s breath disoriented my inner man; it bore into my soul; it reset my senses.

But how can light skin breath be so bad? This world is a very mysterious place