Hugs and Smears

I need to meet whoever came up with that ‘A dog never returns to its vomit’ quote and kneel at his feet. Okay that’s a lie but surely, you catch my drift.

First of all, before I go into explaining what anything has to do with a dog returning to its vomit, I need to clear the air about something. You know how these Nigerian people think they know everything in this life, how they feel they are sharp and all right? Turns out its all fake, because they know nothing.

See, after that last post where I tried to do something I rarely do, some of your fellow human beings took it upon themselves to do the weirdest things. There’s this particular girl I’m quite close to. I don’t know why but she felt I was going through some kind of trouble or ‘crisis’ according to her. This girl actually told me she had something important to tell me and so we set a time to see. The time came and she started off by asking me how life was which to be honest, is a weird question for some unexplainable reasons. After a bunch of ‘unusual’ questions and the regular content free conversation, she placed her palms over mine and looked into my eyes. I’m really expecting her to say something reasonable, something important, or something that makes sense. But no. She no gree. She began to tell me about loving someone that doesn’t love me back. Telling me about letting go if someone I love doesn’t love me back. It was quite funny but I couldn’t laugh cos she was actually serious. Like she meant every word she said. Well she stopped finally and allowed me finally laugh at how she had just wasted my time. My point, I’m not lacking love. Just cos I said something about not getting loved back don’t mean I’m in need of love. That’s by the way.

Back to my dog and vomit story; you see, there’s something most people do that I personally don’t like doing. And its hugging people; women especially. Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong in it. After all, they’ve not given birth to the demon that will enter me and make me turn down a hug from my mum. That’s by the way.

This; permit me, ‘unusuality’ started not too long ago. Back in the day, I did hug a lot. If anything, I enjoyed it. One time when I was out with some friends to chill, I hugged one of my female friends and she got her makeup all over me. Of course it messed me up. That’s when I stopped hugging women. I don’t care if a woman needs affection to save her life, I’m not gonna do it; except on unavoidable instances though.  Forget Jose Mourinho; the devil isn’t bad a tactician. Instead of this devil guy to strike from a more understandable angle, he went for the weirdest of angles.

There’s this particular white and grey, although dominantly white sweatshirt I have. You know when something looks so good, you don’t feel worthy to wear it? That’s how this sweatshirt was. I only wore/wear it when really important stuff came up. Like when I’m supposed to meet a lady that looks like she walked out of my dreams. Remember that post that was highly unprofessional and clearly felt to you like it wasn’t revised (Come to think of it, I should revise it so it makes more sense)?  I wore this particular sweatshirt that day; so you can say it’s my lucky shirt, sort of.

My sister went for one of those make-up whatever things not too long ago. So these days, she’s usually either on her phone doing whatever or in front of the mirror applying this and that. It irritates me a lot cos even if it’s hard to admit, my sister is pretty and in my opinion doesn’t need makeup.  But naah, girls can be strong headed so all my complaints go nowhere.

One of those rare days where my sister and I got perfectly along, I let her put makeup on me, no homo brethren. I had to allow her cos she threatened not to make plantain porridge for me; I love plantain porridge. Sha sha, after I had eaten my sister’s plantain porridge, I went to sleep.

The next morning, I got out of bed and began to prepare for the day cos I was supposed to meet someone somewhere. I picked out my ‘lucky’ sweatshirt so you can be sure I was going to see someone ‘important’. I went to my sister’s room to ask if the sweatshirt went with my brown pants. Yeah, she had started with her makeup play. I dropped the sweatshirt and pants on her bed and went to make Rice Krispies. When I got back to her room with my cereal, this girl had my sweatshirt on for a reason till today, I choose to not understand. It looked good on her until I saw a brown smear on my bestestest sweatshirt in this life. You need not know what I did. But I didn’t lay a finger on her sha.

See, I can be strong headed when I want to. This brown stain was quite obvious, but na lie, I still wore my sweatshirt to go meet that someone. That someone looked really good and I hadn’t seen the someone in a long time, so I didn’t know when I grabbed that someone and buried that someone’s head in my chest as I hugged that someone. The day went well; I had fun. I was all smiles until I got home and looked in the mirror.

I’m sure you guessed it; my white and grey, although dominantly white sweatshirt got a new color added to it.

I’m not hugging no woman passionately no more.



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