Nigerians And Their Sick Superstitions

I laugh every time I hear people complain about the way things are here in Nigeria. How can we move forward when our thinking is backward.

About the topic, be not deceived. If I’m to list or talk about every single one of the superstitions in this blessed country, I probably won’t finish until Dan Brown releases another sick novel. But that’s by the way.

You can’t be in this Nigeria; or better still, you can know a Nigerian and not have heard at least two superstitions. For those who haven’t, here are a few examples:

1. If your food touches the ground, the devil has eaten it

2. If you open an umbrella in the house, you might not get married

3. If you see white egrets flying in the sky, a tiny white lucky patch appears on your finger nail

4. If you beat a brother with a broom, his penis will never function again

5. If someone jumps over you while lying on the floor,they should immediately jump over you again cos you’re gonna die if they don’t

6. If you kiss the bottom of your shoe, you will grow a third foot

7. If you see your grandmothers breasts, chances your first son will be an albino are high

 

No jokes, I’ve heard every one of these superstitions. There’s a lot more where those came from; but I don’t want to cast Nigeria.

The funny thing about superstitions here is that some do happen; like number 3. It’s happened to me many times. But crap like numbers 2, 4 and 7 clearly shout ‘Nigerians are POSSESSED’!
Anyway, none of those superstitions triggered the urge to say something about this topic almost everyone has spoken or written about. It’s one careless one that did.

Who else has experienced this thing where you’re fully awake but you can’t move, shout, you basically can’t do anything? Sounds scary right? It’s real. And it has happened to me a good number of times. Sometimes I can make it happen to me, no jokes.

My first experience was in Jss2. I was in class, at the back, learning Maths. Then all of a sudden, I realized that I couldn’t move. I tried shouting, tried kicking, tried moving my arms but nothing happened. Fear is real too. I thought I was dead. Trust me to try so hard to shout JESUS like a mad person. The words didn’t come out though. After a minute or two, I was free. I didn’t share what just happened; thought it was a dream or something.

Years passed and it never happened to me again. Until one time at home; I remember the night perfectly. It was one of those summers while I was in Senior School. I was in my room, at night, watching ‘Wicked Little Things’. I’ve always believed I’m a ‘baddo’ cos horror movies don’t scare me…..much.  So there I was, on my bed, enjoying my movie. The movie ended. I was feeling sleepy so I decided I’d watch ‘Pans Labyrinth’ the following night. I shut down my laptop and placed it on the floor next to my bed. Then I rolled over and started to think about the then love of my life, Bolanle

*sigh* the devil just enjoys spoiling good things, Oh well

So I’m enjoying this fantasy where me and Bolanle are playing Police and Thief; I’m Police obviously for some …….. reasons

The plan was to enjoy this fantasy and drift into sweet sleep with a good dream. If wishes were horses…

Everything was going fine; I thought I was asleep, then the creepiest thing happened. My eyes were open and I was seeing everything fine. The lights were off so the room was dark. Then this dark figure began to walk towards me. From it’s outline, it looked like a man with a baby on his back.

You think you know what fear is?

I was shouting, kicking, doing anything I could think of but nothing was working. Again, I began to shout Jesus but nothing happened. The man was literally a second away from touching my face and then I woke up.

Yes, I didn’t sleep for a few days. Nightmare on Elm Street thing.

Anyway, it’s happened a couple times after that night but the feeling is more thriller than horror now.

I mistakenly mentioned the thing to a few people. ERROR

I started hearing things like, ‘AHHH! It means 7 demons were holding you down’, ‘Someone you offended is trying to press your destiny’, ‘You borrowed something but the owner died before you could return it. Now the owner wants it back and he/she is trying to pull you into the spirit world’.

SMH. The way we think in this place is unreal.

I needed the white man’s perspective so I turned to the second ever sure source of knowledge; GrandMaster Google.

One of the white men, who obviously sees things from an angle that is not supernashura explained the thing as ‘Sleep Paralysis’.

No need to bore you with its details.

I’m so happy 7 Demons are not sitting on my destiny!

 

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