The Void

Life feels empty

At times meaningless

I feel lost

And out of place

I don’t belong here

I should just move on

But ‘here’ is the only place I know

The only place I’ve lived

But this isn’t living

This isn’t human

I’m a shell

And I’ll soon crack from pressure

Collapsing into sand and dust

Being one with the Earth

Becoming ground and rock

With my memory withered out of existence

This…thing I have to live with

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Hugs and Smears

I need to meet whoever came up with that ‘A dog never returns to its vomit’ quote and kneel at his feet. Okay that’s a lie but surely, you catch my drift.

First of all, before I go into explaining what anything has to do with a dog returning to its vomit, I need to clear the air about something. You know how these Nigerian people think they know everything in this life, how they feel they are sharp and all right? Turns out its all fake, because they know nothing.

See, after that last post where I tried to do something I rarely do, some of your fellow human beings took it upon themselves to do the weirdest things. There’s this particular girl I’m quite close to. I don’t know why but she felt I was going through some kind of trouble or ‘crisis’ according to her. This girl actually told me she had something important to tell me and so we set a time to see. The time came and she started off by asking me how life was which to be honest, is a weird question for some unexplainable reasons. After a bunch of ‘unusual’ questions and the regular content free conversation, she placed her palms over mine and looked into my eyes. I’m really expecting her to say something reasonable, something important, or something that makes sense. But no. She no gree. She began to tell me about loving someone that doesn’t love me back. Telling me about letting go if someone I love doesn’t love me back. It was quite funny but I couldn’t laugh cos she was actually serious. Like she meant every word she said. Well she stopped finally and allowed me finally laugh at how she had just wasted my time. My point, I’m not lacking love. Just cos I said something about not getting loved back don’t mean I’m in need of love. That’s by the way.

Back to my dog and vomit story; you see, there’s something most people do that I personally don’t like doing. And its hugging people; women especially. Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong in it. After all, they’ve not given birth to the demon that will enter me and make me turn down a hug from my mum. That’s by the way.

This; permit me, ‘unusuality’ started not too long ago. Back in the day, I did hug a lot. If anything, I enjoyed it. One time when I was out with some friends to chill, I hugged one of my female friends and she got her makeup all over me. Of course it messed me up. That’s when I stopped hugging women. I don’t care if a woman needs affection to save her life, I’m not gonna do it; except on unavoidable instances though.  Forget Jose Mourinho; the devil isn’t bad a tactician. Instead of this devil guy to strike from a more understandable angle, he went for the weirdest of angles.

There’s this particular white and grey, although dominantly white sweatshirt I have. You know when something looks so good, you don’t feel worthy to wear it? That’s how this sweatshirt was. I only wore/wear it when really important stuff came up. Like when I’m supposed to meet a lady that looks like she walked out of my dreams. Remember that post that was highly unprofessional and clearly felt to you like it wasn’t revised (Come to think of it, I should revise it so it makes more sense)?  I wore this particular sweatshirt that day; so you can say it’s my lucky shirt, sort of.

My sister went for one of those make-up whatever things not too long ago. So these days, she’s usually either on her phone doing whatever or in front of the mirror applying this and that. It irritates me a lot cos even if it’s hard to admit, my sister is pretty and in my opinion doesn’t need makeup.  But naah, girls can be strong headed so all my complaints go nowhere.

One of those rare days where my sister and I got perfectly along, I let her put makeup on me, no homo brethren. I had to allow her cos she threatened not to make plantain porridge for me; I love plantain porridge. Sha sha, after I had eaten my sister’s plantain porridge, I went to sleep.

The next morning, I got out of bed and began to prepare for the day cos I was supposed to meet someone somewhere. I picked out my ‘lucky’ sweatshirt so you can be sure I was going to see someone ‘important’. I went to my sister’s room to ask if the sweatshirt went with my brown pants. Yeah, she had started with her makeup play. I dropped the sweatshirt and pants on her bed and went to make Rice Krispies. When I got back to her room with my cereal, this girl had my sweatshirt on for a reason till today, I choose to not understand. It looked good on her until I saw a brown smear on my bestestest sweatshirt in this life. You need not know what I did. But I didn’t lay a finger on her sha.

See, I can be strong headed when I want to. This brown stain was quite obvious, but na lie, I still wore my sweatshirt to go meet that someone. That someone looked really good and I hadn’t seen the someone in a long time, so I didn’t know when I grabbed that someone and buried that someone’s head in my chest as I hugged that someone. The day went well; I had fun. I was all smiles until I got home and looked in the mirror.

I’m sure you guessed it; my white and grey, although dominantly white sweatshirt got a new color added to it.

I’m not hugging no woman passionately no more.

sizzle1

Fur Elise

(Not one of those Poems)

‘Fur Elise’ 

Bagatelle No. 25 in A Minor

Sixty minutes of bliss

Timeless  and beautiful

The product of heartbreak

He loved Elise but his love was unrequited

So he sat down

Used the pain

He released the pain of rejection

Similar to Footloose dancing

Only through a piano

Conveyed his feelings through melody and tune

And then a great song was born

Thank You Elise‘ He must have thought

So now my heart is close to broken

As my love is unrequited

But who knows? 

The pain can become something else

Written word? A Song? Dance?

Something generations will know about

I guess I’m dreaming

I am not Beethoven

I’m quite stupid

I never let you know about my feelings 

Mama said to never give excuses

So thank you for not loving me back 

Hurts like hell though

U. / P.

BLUES

I want to post just poems for the rest of the week cos I hate them and I want to change. No stories; No pointless banter; Just poems. This isn’t one of them though. It’s not a poem… I just felt like centralizing content 

I’ve listened to Pendulum’s Propane Nightmares roughly over two hundred times
That’s what iTunes says
Funny how I’ve never actually taken my time to understand what the words say
So I’m lying on my bed; feeling unusually down
Then iTunes decides it’s time to play Propane Nightmares even though I had Jack Sparrow on repeat
*PAUSE*
Jack Sparrow makes me happy
The lyrics don’t mean much, it’s just another Nigerian song
But I love it
*UN-PAUSE*
Something’s tearing me down
And I can’t help but feel it coming from you
– First two lines of the song

I didn’t hear anything after that line
Everything seemed to fade out
It was like the song was speaking to me
Those lines described how I felt
It was like my thoughts poured out in song
Only I wasn’t sure who or what ‘you’ represented

Stressing my mind, thinking about such wasn’t what I wanted to do
So I clicked ‘Next’, hoping iTunes had something nice prepared for me

JHENÉ AIKO – 3:16AM
Out of place, out of space and time
Wide awake, out of papers, I am
Not okay, I am out my mind
Outer space; that’s where I’ve been going
I’m already thinking “Wow!”
Then a couple lines later
I do not feel the fear of falling
I wanna fly
If it all goes well, then I will
But what if I don’t

Most of the time, we listen to music for listening sake
Lol seems that’s what we are supposed to do; pardon me
I feel so bad for overlooking the meaningful words interwoven with the tunes and melodies
This world is strange
How did iTunes know how I was feeling?
And how did Jhené know I would feel that way someday?
(She’s number 3 after Milo and Plantain though)

Weird world we live in

This is a result of those few seconds before I drift into this thing that is really not different from death
#SleepParalysisPrecautions

Nigerians And Their Sick Superstitions

I laugh every time I hear people complain about the way things are here in Nigeria. How can we move forward when our thinking is backward.

About the topic, be not deceived. If I’m to list or talk about every single one of the superstitions in this blessed country, I probably won’t finish until Dan Brown releases another sick novel. But that’s by the way.

You can’t be in this Nigeria; or better still, you can know a Nigerian and not have heard at least two superstitions. For those who haven’t, here are a few examples:

1. If your food touches the ground, the devil has eaten it

2. If you open an umbrella in the house, you might not get married

3. If you see white egrets flying in the sky, a tiny white lucky patch appears on your finger nail

4. If you beat a brother with a broom, his penis will never function again

5. If someone jumps over you while lying on the floor,they should immediately jump over you again cos you’re gonna die if they don’t

6. If you kiss the bottom of your shoe, you will grow a third foot

7. If you see your grandmothers breasts, chances your first son will be an albino are high

 

No jokes, I’ve heard every one of these superstitions. There’s a lot more where those came from; but I don’t want to cast Nigeria.

The funny thing about superstitions here is that some do happen; like number 3. It’s happened to me many times. But crap like numbers 2, 4 and 7 clearly shout ‘Nigerians are POSSESSED’!
Anyway, none of those superstitions triggered the urge to say something about this topic almost everyone has spoken or written about. It’s one careless one that did.

Who else has experienced this thing where you’re fully awake but you can’t move, shout, you basically can’t do anything? Sounds scary right? It’s real. And it has happened to me a good number of times. Sometimes I can make it happen to me, no jokes.

My first experience was in Jss2. I was in class, at the back, learning Maths. Then all of a sudden, I realized that I couldn’t move. I tried shouting, tried kicking, tried moving my arms but nothing happened. Fear is real too. I thought I was dead. Trust me to try so hard to shout JESUS like a mad person. The words didn’t come out though. After a minute or two, I was free. I didn’t share what just happened; thought it was a dream or something.

Years passed and it never happened to me again. Until one time at home; I remember the night perfectly. It was one of those summers while I was in Senior School. I was in my room, at night, watching ‘Wicked Little Things’. I’ve always believed I’m a ‘baddo’ cos horror movies don’t scare me…..much.  So there I was, on my bed, enjoying my movie. The movie ended. I was feeling sleepy so I decided I’d watch ‘Pans Labyrinth’ the following night. I shut down my laptop and placed it on the floor next to my bed. Then I rolled over and started to think about the then love of my life, Bolanle

*sigh* the devil just enjoys spoiling good things, Oh well

So I’m enjoying this fantasy where me and Bolanle are playing Police and Thief; I’m Police obviously for some …….. reasons

The plan was to enjoy this fantasy and drift into sweet sleep with a good dream. If wishes were horses…

Everything was going fine; I thought I was asleep, then the creepiest thing happened. My eyes were open and I was seeing everything fine. The lights were off so the room was dark. Then this dark figure began to walk towards me. From it’s outline, it looked like a man with a baby on his back.

You think you know what fear is?

I was shouting, kicking, doing anything I could think of but nothing was working. Again, I began to shout Jesus but nothing happened. The man was literally a second away from touching my face and then I woke up.

Yes, I didn’t sleep for a few days. Nightmare on Elm Street thing.

Anyway, it’s happened a couple times after that night but the feeling is more thriller than horror now.

I mistakenly mentioned the thing to a few people. ERROR

I started hearing things like, ‘AHHH! It means 7 demons were holding you down’, ‘Someone you offended is trying to press your destiny’, ‘You borrowed something but the owner died before you could return it. Now the owner wants it back and he/she is trying to pull you into the spirit world’.

SMH. The way we think in this place is unreal.

I needed the white man’s perspective so I turned to the second ever sure source of knowledge; GrandMaster Google.

One of the white men, who obviously sees things from an angle that is not supernashura explained the thing as ‘Sleep Paralysis’.

No need to bore you with its details.

I’m so happy 7 Demons are not sitting on my destiny!