Cool Story

Nigeria is a very funny place. After yesterday’s fruitful and fruitless day, I promised myself it’s going to be a loooong time before I get out again. So I decided I’m gonna be playing some games I stole from a cousin. Again, I woke up unusually early. No diarrhea issues today, Bless Da Lord somebody. After thanking Jehovah for a good, although hot night, I brushed my teeth cos my mouth was tormenting me. Morning breath after eating some concussion-ish food the previous night is of the devil people.

Everything seemed to be in place for me to game away my time. So I put on the game system, only for me to discover that my pad wasn’t working. I kept trying to make it work but those stupid 4 lights at the back of the pad kept blinking. Well I had money to waste at the time so I felt it’ll be wise for me to get myself a new pad. Obviously, Computer Village was the plan cos uno, not everytime standard store to buy those things, sometimes Computer Village cos everything is cheaper and you can price.

So I got dressed, without taking a bath of course, combed my hair and stepped out looking responsible. Few minutes later, I got to Computer Village. It didn’t take me a lot of time to find a shop that sold Ps3 pads. I went in and told them what I wanted. I spoke proper English so these guys were looking at me funny. They gave me one pad and I asked them if it was good. They said yes, obviously. So I asked for the price and one of them immediately said 8000. I was in my tush-boy-mode so I said okay and told them I was going to come back.

I located another store and these ones said 7500. I said okay again and left.

It was on my way out of the second store I began to reason what was happening. Cos I knew pads can’t be that expensive. When it’s not gold that they used to make it. It then dawns on me that these guys thought I was a mumu. You know how they increase price based on how you look na? So I decided to scatter my hair. Luckily, I’m wearing a ‘Work Hard Play Harder’ T-shirt inside so I took off the shirt I had on. Then I rubbed my palm on the ground and stained the T-shirt with dust.

Now I looked like a standard suffer-head. Not suffer-head per se, but I looked like a standard street-smart guy. With my new look, I stepped into another store, and asked for a ps3 pad; this time, I spoke Pidgin. The guy in the shop was Yoruba so I knew I could spit some tribal fire if needed. He gave me a pad and I asked if it was good. My pidgin sounded Igbo cos I’m not perfect at it. He looked at me well and said 5000. I smiled cos my new look paid off. Regardless, I wasn’t gonna pay 5000 even though I knew the real price was something like that, 4000 lowest.

I felt lucky so I decided to push it. I began to speak Yoruba mehn, adding that ‘agbero-ish’ tone uno, to sound tough. Telling this guy I was gonna pay highest 2000. Not everything is hereditary cos I found out I didn’t inherit that killer pricing trait Yoruba women possess. I paid the guy 4500 to show you how wretched my pricing skills are.

When I got home, I tested the pad and it worked fine. Fifa comes first in life so I slotted in a Fifa 14 cd, ready to damage some niggas online. I didn’t skip the Intro cos I hadn’t played games in a while. The intro finished and I was waiting for the system to connect to EA servers. I tried the ‘bad’pad  and WOW, it was working. *Sigh*

Some forces decided to visit me; this time in the form of serious disappointment. Ps3 no connect. I opened the Swift page on my laptop. ‘Balance remaining: 0.0’.

Wifi ti expaya. No wahala.

*Poh Poh Poh* Player Career Mode. Loading……..

<Phone Rings>

It’s mumsy. She’s reminding me about one seminar-ish, program-ish something I must go for. ‘Have a Nice day ma’

<Cuts call>

Oya back to Fifa

<TV Screen goes blank>



Thank You Nepa.


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