Oh?! So It’s About The Arms Now

Brethren, people of the world lack respect o. I’m not even sure if I’m supposed to be pissed or confused right now.

See me o. Yesterday afternoon; I went to cafeteria 1 to get something to eat. It was about 2pm so café was almost empty if not for a bunch of couples, a wannabe couple and people that just felt like being in café. As always, when I’m out alone, I had a straight face on and made my way to the counter to get a meal ticket. Then out of nowhere, I heard someone shout my name. I looked around and guess who was calling my name; one silly ‘friend’ of mine. Well, I’m his friend but I’m not entirely sure he’s mine. You know those kinds of people.

Anyway, this particular guy had the habit of ALWAYS asking for money, or food. He has to ask for something every single time he sees me. It’s unbearable to possess food when he’s around. Chairman makes sure I don’t enjoy my food. If I buy 1000 grains of rice, this guy makes sure he consumes at least 600 grains. Seriously, disgusting and annoying habit. It’s hard to complain since he has this issue of getting emotional too fast. I have a feeling he’s gay. I’m cool with it as long as he doesn’t attempt ‘pumping’ me.

Anyway, I walked up to him regardless and gave him a handshake. He was with this really standard babe. He was saying something about something when I cut him off and asked who his lady friend was. He said she was a friend after which he introduced us to one another. I was enjoying a conversation involving all three of us and wondering why this guy would just call me just to talk when the idiot changed it for me and asked me for money. Said he wanted to get a drink. I was feeling buoyant and so I pulled out a 500 naira note out of my pocket and handed it to him. I won’t lie; it hurt a little because that 500 naira note was one of three that miraculously came my way. Miraculously because my wretched, careless, and tiring ATM card isn’t working at any of the machines here in school.

Well, as expected, this girl requested for a drink too. Naturally, I’d turn that kind of thing into a joke and tell her to use her money or something out of the ordinary; so the girl would think I’m a different kind of guy who doesn’t exactly give a goat. But this time, I wasn’t in the mood to be Mr. Funny Guy and so I sent my ‘friend’ to go get drinks for us. He left and I was alone with the girl. Trust my ‘man’ brain to turn up na. I began to build light rapport with her. My ‘friend’ got back with the drinks not too long after. I was pained me since his arrival was probably going to bring my conversation with this girl to an early end.

Fortunately, he said he had to see someone else and so he bade us goodbye. Man I was happy. My, or our conversation went on; that’s me and the girl. Not that I had any intent of getting serious with the girl, although I won’t mind, but she seemed to be feeling me. I wasn’t exactly trying so I felt like a bad-ass.

Our conversation was about hitting the 30-minute mark (Yes, I was checking) and the rapport was getting quite deep when one ugly, buff, Yoruba twat walked up to us. He smiled at her, pulled her into his arms and hugged her. He had a tank top on. The proud, obnoxious moron clearly wanted the whole world to notice his large arms. I hissed under my breath because his arms weren’t all that compared to mine. (Okay I’m lying. If one of my arms is an ant, then his is an elephant). This guy was huge. He was tall and I could tell he was athletic; like all sports in the world athletic. I was waiting for him to be done with his ‘greeting’ and get the cow out of my sight so I’d continue my conversation.

He didn’t.

He didn’t say much. He’d just say about 6 words and the girl would reply with 6000. From the way she sounded, I could tell she was ‘thirsting’. I wasn’t ready to be a fool and so I got up and left when it became obvious my entire existence had faded. As I trudged back to my room, I began to think. This chairman wasn’t attractive fam; his face sha. He was, actually he is ug-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. So because he’s big and stuff, he’s allowed to oppress skinny, young men like myself. I made a promise to myself at that moment to eat lots and lots of protein, gym and get buff. That way, I’ll come back to school next session to oppress, suppress and depress all the skinny, young men in the world. Oh yeah, I’d have to work on the facial hair too.

Today’s a new day. Hopefully, something great happens. One day, I shall possess intimidating large arms too.

Have a good day Earthlings. Till next time.

Follow @SeyiSoneye



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