The Silly Things are Back

Who remembers not too long ago when I told you guys about those filthy, silly things? If you don’t, check here. Anyway, it seemed as though they left after my brief encounters with them but turns out there back. There’s nothing special or unexpected about them coming back but it’s the way they made their comeback that ticks me.

Oh yeah, I just remembered I promised this post was going to be a QnA thing but I haven’t gotten a large amount of questions so I’ll wait till I get more. I mean, the more questions I answer, the easier it’ll be for y’all to judge.

As I was saying, the rats are back. So few days back on a lazy evening, I was on my bed, chilling like my grandfather cos I had nothing useful to do. I was simply staring at the ceiling and trying to calculate how much dodo I had consumed since I was born,  when suddenly I began to hear sounds from my locker. This got me really scared because I was the only one in the room. Now I had just finished watching a horror movie and so I called out, ‘Who’s there?’ To be honest, I was expecting to get an answer. Three, four calls later with no answer, I decided to man up and check what was making the sound.

Dramatically, I walked up to my locker. I took my belt off and held it in my right hand. Slowly, I opened the door of the locker. As I saw the source of the noise, I burst into laughter. If I saw a rat, simply moving up on down, I won’t have been surprised. But I saw two of the filthy creatures, chilling on a super low-key. I guess they were a couple cos they were cuddling. The stupid things had even nibbled the chocolate cookies I hoped to share with my roommates when they got back from wherever they went. This pissed me off but I watched for a few minutes and had a good laugh after which I raised my belt up to give the stupid things a good beating.  Now this is where everything gets scary.

As I delivered the first lash of the belt, the smaller of the two rats, jumped in front of the way larger rat. I paused in disbelief. It seemed like the rat that jumped, the smaller one, in the way of the belt was male and the larger on was female. I think my guy was trying to ‘take the bullet for his girl’. I didn’t know animals did this too, in real life. I wanted to clear my doubt and so I aimed the female rat that was way bigger and delivered another heavy lash. Again, homeboy jumped in the way of the belt and took the whip. I was touched by this act of love and felt I should have mercy on the dirty things. I tried to clear my locker so I’d have a better chance of beating the living daylight out of the rats but all attempts proved futile because the retarded animals kept moving about and abeg, i didn’t want to have rat stuff on my hands.

Few seconds later, the rats stopped and began to cuddle in the corner of my locker. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing. These things had balls. I believed that they were going to run away after the first two lashes but they didn’t. This made me believe they were probably having a date in my locker. I giggled at the thought of this and concluded that it would be nice of me, but nasty though, to leave them. I simply took all consumables out of my locker and left the doors wide open so I’d watch what the two rats would do on their ‘date’. I got on my bed and began to watch them. The female rat went over the male rat and began to lick his wounds. This brought me to tears. I cried and cried because I felt like a wicked person. I cried up until I slept off.

I woke up in the middle of the night and checked my locker for the rats but they weren’t there. I thought of the act of love I had seen in the rats and began to feel sad. My sadness turned to anger when i realized that the useless things had eaten the rest of the chocolate cookies in my locker. Turns out I forgot to take it out. I promised myself that I must end the life of any rat that crosses my path.

When I was done promising myself, i got on my bed and began to replay the whole thing in my head. The thought made me smile. I eventually yawned and slept off.

Animals are evolving brethren. We have to prepare ourselves because they’re getting stronger. I strongly believe they have a ‘resistance’ group that’s plotting how to wage war on us humans. We should begin to devise new plans and draw up tactics to counter whatever the animals want to do. That’s all though. Have a nice day and follow @SeyiSoneye.

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2 thoughts on “The Silly Things are Back

  1. Lool… Gasta comment.. Ur too funny… idk.. you’ve got dis realism in your writeups.. Which is always topped with humour and lovable exaggeration…. Summary: You’re One Gifted bobo..

    Like

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