Hello! Hi! How are you? How you doing? What’s good? What’s happening? What have you been up to? How has your day been? Now that I’m done with the greetings, life shall continue. I hope you guys have been good though.
So I just realized that it’s been a really long time since I dropped something on here for you guys to read and then laugh, mock and judge me. I’ve decided to be the bigger man and accept your wickedness. So no complaints.
That’s enough beating around the bush so lemme go straight into what I have for you today. Today, I’m going to be making an effort to boost the self-esteem of whoever needs it. Before I go on, I want you guys to know that what you are about to see is seriously embarrassing on sooooo many levels. And cos of this, I’m going to hide my face for the next seven hundred and forty eight thousand years just so none of you point and laugh at me whenever you see me. That being said, I want you to grab a glass of chilled water and relax cos today’s gonna be different. You might also need a roll of tissue paper cos you must cry for me.
So on Thursday, after I had done some studying, I decided to surf the web (That’s the tush way of saying it yeah?). Immediately I connected, my five default pages opened; Twitter, YouTube, Neopets, Disney Channel and Cartoon Network. I checked if there were any new games on the latter three pages but there weren’t any. This broke my heart. I checked YouTube for anything that could interest me but there was nothing. I prayed for something sensible to be happening on twitter but nothing really sensible was there. The night seemed hopeless and so I gave up on the internet and concluded it was a sign that my bed needed me. It felt like a great idea but the night was way too young for me to sleep. I decided to give the internet a second chance and so I opened a new tab. I thought about what pages to open but nothing came to mind. After a few minutes of me staring at the screen, I decided to open Facebook. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah………….. I’m getting bored too. Lemme just go straight to what happened there.
Normal Facebook procedure, check for someone to chat with, judge some people based on their pictures, read some funny comments and the other stuff we all do. When I was done with all this, I decided to check my messages from wayyyyyyyy baaaccckkk. It was a terrible mistake brethren. This is where shit gets real.
Immediately I began to read a certain chat from 2010, I buried my head in my hands and began to cry. I saw some really cheesy stuff. I still can’t believe I could say things like that. After what felt like three or five minutes of crying, I wiped the tears and continued reading.
My typing was serious crap. You might not understand what I’m saying but when you see something like this
you’ll get my point. Funny enough, this is nothing compared to this really sad one I saw. I mean, nothing in life should be as cheesy as this
Yep, I typed that, with my own fingers. That’s all me. If it ended there, I’d be extremely happy but it didn’t. There’s more crazy stuff.
Gauge this one.
English should never, ever, ever, ever, be this serious. Then this one too
What the actual vugg is that? It doesn’t end there o, there’s one more. Now this one is by far the wrongest of them all, the worst of them all, the most stupid of them all, and the daftest of them all. The killing part is that it’s by far the most sexual thing I’ve seen in my life. I don’t think anything on earth can be as sexual as this
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, lizards and snakes, I think it’s clear that I’ve killed it. The sad part is that I know most of you have done worse than me. I won’t say anything. I hope I’ve convinced any of you that used to think your case is hopeless. Whatever your case is, I’m sure it can never be as pitiful as what I’ve just shown you. (The funny thing is that I was educated when all this happened)
Anyway, that’s all for today. The cheesiness and madness has to stop. I hope y’all enjoyed reading this and judging. That was way back though. I’m a changed man now. ^ ^ I understand English better.
So in my next post, I’m going to be doing a sort of QnA, that’s question and answer. If you guys have any questions for me, simply mail me @ firstname.lastname@example.org or get at me on twitter @SeyiSoneye. I’d make the whole thing into a post for all of you to read and judge me based on my answers. You should know that if you ask me stuff like “If Moin-Moin Costs 50 Naira, How Much Does Moin Cost?” I can only pray for you.
And with that, we’ve come to the end of today’s post. I hope you guys have a great weekend. And a special shout-out to all October-borns out there!! It’s our month baby!