What Did I do to Deserve This?

Hiiii Guys!! So I’m extremely happy today. Why? Cos it’s my month baby. First of all, I want to shout out to all the October borns out there. Were clearly the best. For those who have been here for a while now, you must have noticed that this place is looking different. Yep, I changed the theme. Mainly in honour of October.

Today’s post is different. It’s not sad like SUSAN, silly like PEPPER, philosophical like the sarcasm piece, painful as my worst week ever, stupid like the story of those silly rats, hurtful as the survivor series or cool like the family story. It’s actually going to be in the same vein as the story about silence and it’s upside. The only difference is that…….. Well, soon enough, you’ll find out. The only hint I’ll give is that it’s in your favourite genre. Yep Yep, embarrassment. That’s all you people care about. Y’all just seem to find my embarrassment funny. Lemme just delve into today’s topic and ignore the pain. Oh yeah, I’m gonna do good to the lazy folk among you and make this post brief, precise and simply put, short.

So last month, or better still, yesterday, I went for a worship service in my school chapel. It started around 7pm. Classic me, I planned to get there at 7 exactly but I ended up getting there 7:20pm. The place was packed and it was difficult to get a seat. After about 2 minutes of me, walking around, looking aimless (Embarrassment No 1.), I finally got one. It was perfect but there was something eerie about where I sat. The row the seat was on was empty. Too empty actually. I mean, on a row of 20 seats tops, there were only three people there, that’s me, a really tall, built boy and a short, chubby female. (Wondering why I said ‘female’ instead of girl? Truth is, the female species is a complicated one with many sub-species in it. I can’t classify the female until I meet her. I’ll treat this sometime soon).

Since I arrived sort of late for the program, I missed the opening prayer and so I simply joined in the worship session. The worship started and I worshipped God will all my heart. Cos of how empty the row was, I had a lot of space to move around. I didn’t dull and took advantage of the space. I swayed from side to side as I worshipped with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes once, looked around and wondered why no one had come to join the row I was in.

Few minutes into the worship, we were prompted to thank God with our own song. I began to sing my favorite worship song. I’m not telling you the name. As I sang it, I was filled with joy. My swaying gradually intensified. There was no one next to me so I could sway as hard or as far as I wanted to. Forward 24 sways or thereabout later.

BUMP. I collided hard with someone next to me.  I felt the urge to open my eyes and look to my side. I didn’t want to but I eventually succumbed to the urge. I took a quick glance to my side to see that the row was filled. I didn’t bother to take note of any faces or gender; I just saw a full row. So there I was, seriously furious because I had just begun to enjoy the scantiness of the row. I killed the fury and continued my singing. And then it happened.

There was a short girl next to me. Through-out the time she had been there, she had been sitting, praying, I think. She got up and began to sing. I was still singing, feeling like Bruno Mars, killing the song I was singing with my over-sexy voice. And then the girl opened her mouth to sing. Oh my God!!!!! Her voice was amazing. I wasn’t so shocked cos I’d always believed short girls had wonderful voices.

After we were done worshipping God with our own songs, the whole congregation began to sing the same song. The song involved really high-pitched notes. I felt I could sing the song perfectly and so I joined in and sang to God. I felt I was killing the song until I heard the girl’s voice again. To be honest, as far as I’m concerned, that girl’s voice is better than Beyoncé’s. As she sang, I slowly began to feel intimidated. I believed my voice was the sexiest on earth but her voice slowly made me doubt the greatness of my voice.

Minutes passed and we continued to worship. I made sure I sang every song with total care. I wanted to let the girl know that she wasn’t the only one with a good voice in the building. I guess she noticed cos she began to make her voice sound even more amazing. I noticed this and it sort of turned into a mini-battle. Y’all need to have seen my ad-libbing on every single note.

There was a particular song that had extremely high notes I know I can’t reach. I prayed that the person leading the worship won’t bring the song up. Funny and depressing enough, that was the exact song we sang next. On a normal day, when everyone’s singing the song, I’d just hum and bask in God’s glory. This time had to be different. The girl next to me was singing the song effortlessly and I wasn’t in the mood to lose our battle. And so I took in a deep breath and began to sing the song. I thought I was singing it perfect until I closed my ears with my hands and discovered I was sounding like a dying toad. Embarrassment No 2.

Lemme just skip the not so important details and go straight to the point. After all, I promised this was going to be brief.

At the end of the worship, people who had testimonies or encounters went out to the front of the congregation to share their encounters. As they shared, I promised myself I wasn’t going to leave without complimenting the owner of the amazing voice that kept me company throughout the program. The program finally ended and the thought of what I was about to do got me elated.

Just as we finished sharing the grace, I turned to my right, with the widest smile, saying, “You have an amazing voice”. And then the worst thing happened. The owner of the voice wasn’t facing me as I said so, but she heard what I said.  She turned around slowly. I was expecting an extremely beautiful face to compliment the amazing voice and then………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….DRUMROLL PLEASE……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. Well what do you know? Our mysterious she turned out to be a HE. A HE YO!!!!!!! (EMBARRASSMENT NO. 3) At this point, a couple of tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t know what I did to anger the gods of embarrassment and disappointment in September. First, the 218 misunderstanding and now this.

Moral lessons

  •       Never compliment without being sure of the gender involved.
  •       September is a sly month
  •       Silence remains golden

And with that, we’ve come to the end of this post. Happy Independence Day Nigeria! Happy New Month to you readers!!! I hope you have a great one. And finally, a special Happy Our Month to all October-borns, again!!!!!!!!!!

Later people. And don’t forget to follow @SeyiSoneye .

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19 thoughts on “What Did I do to Deserve This?

  1. Omg how embarassing nd sad for you.losing d match to a girl would have been bearable but to a dude. Ouch, but on d bright side. Its our month #october

    Like

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