All Guys are the same??!

‘All guys are the same’. To be honest, my heart does a backflip anytime I hear women say this. It’s quite unfair how they generalize after one guy messes up. The fact that one guy did something bad or hurtful to you doesn’t mean ALL guys would do the same thing. And cos of this misconception, I’m going to be giving you my own classification of guys. I’m one of them so the probability that my classification would make any sense is really high.
I can’t say for sure how many classifications of guys are in the world because the classifications vary based on age group. To avoid any confusion, I’m going to stick to my own age group, that’s teenagers, 15-19 to be more precise.
For this category, there are quite a number of classifications but I’ll stick to the major and important ones.
1. The Confident Ones
From the name, it’s obvious the guys here are confident. These are the kind of guys that aren’t scared to approach a woman they’re interested in, regardless of the setting, environment or whatever. If they’re interested in a woman, these guys don’t care who’s around her or with her. Whether its the woman’s friends or family, the guy still goes.
Most of the time, these guys are seriously good-looking and dress really well. They’re the guys who take their outfits personal. And of course, there are some of them that don’t but they’re few. They make sure they look good irrespective of what they’re doing or where they are. They don’t care if there in a class, at a party, in church, playing soccer or any sport, taking a stroll, they make sure they look good. In some cases, they’re not good looking but their fashion sense makes it easy to overlook.
In actual sense, this trait gives them an edge when they approach a woman. I mean, imagine you’re a woman and a good looking guy that’s dressed really well makes a move onto you. Before he says anything, you’ll most likely be interested in him or you’ll be ready to give him your attention and listen to whatever he has to say.
Guys in this category, 90% of the time, possess the skill of talking with the opposite sex. Talking to girls or people in general comes easy to them. They do so with no nervousness or fear. These guys can be bosses in this aspect. When they want a girl, they go lengths to get her and they usually get her most of the time. They don’t waste much time because their reputation does most of the work.
The remaining 10% that don’t have this skill (talking with girls) seriously suck at keeping a conversation going with girls. Because of this, they cover up with their good looks and cool fashion sense. They use those to attract girls and a good number of girls won’t mind being with them because these guys are usually famous. This in turn gets the girls famous by association.
Girls find it hard to friend-zone these guys because they’re hard to. There are some evil women that friend-zone these kind of guys though. These kind of girls are…………. Let’s leave that for another day.
The upside of getting in a relationship with these kind of guys is quite obvious. You can get famous by association through them and they’re fun to talk to and they like to have a good time.
The downside is that, at times, it takes serious dedication to maintain a relationship with them. They can be so high maintenance. As I said earlier, these guys are famous. They, even if they don’t mean to, know a lot of people and definitely, a good number of women would be involved. For the really emotional girls that get jealous easily, these guys could be frustrating. They don’t mean to but they’re forced to be around many other girls and it can be annoying.
Well nothing’s perfect, so you just gotta manage.

2. The Technical Ones
I fancy this category a lot. These guys are semi-confident, confident in some cases. With respect to approaching a woman, these guys usually possess certain techniques they utilize. These techniques may vary from guy to guy but they’re mostly in the same vein. In a case where they’re in a public place and the probability of seeing the girl they want to approach another time is very low, they gather up confidence and go to the girl. The gathering of confidence takes a while because this is not how these guys operate naturally. When they eventually gather up confidence, they go to the girl and indirectly start a conversation. Topics of the conversation are mostly stuff regarding the environment they’re in. It may be about how the girl is enjoying the place, what she’s doing there or what she’s up to. These guys are seriously technical so they pay serious attention to detail.
In most cases, their confidence level isn’t so high so they can’t approach the woman directly. They devise tactics like intercepting the girl somewhere or using something they notice about her to get her attention. They take advantage of situations and meet their target woman through these situations. An example is this, picture a case where there’s a girl, in a class, showing signs of boredom, like drawing silly symbols on her note, playing with her hair or acting restless, the technical ones take note of these and use them as conversation starters.
30% of the time, these guys end up in the friend-zone. This is because they’re usually nice and sensitive. The real truth, most of the time, is that these guys put themselves in the friend-zone or even zone the babe. This makes the girls vulnerable. The technical guys take advantage of this and use this to get to know more about the girl. Because the girl doesn’t regard him as a threat, she opens up to him and tells him a lot of stuff. The technical guys use this to constantly build their rapport with women. When they’ve built their rapport to a very high level, they STRIKE. For those who don’t know, rapport means a relationship of mutual understanding and trust and agreement between people.
A technical guy doesn’t need up to two days to strike. And when he strikes, he strikes hard. He hits the girl where she’s most vulnerable and she has no choice but to let her guard down. They find it easy to get what they want a lot because they understand girls well.
These guys are serious fun to be around. Their sense of humor is extremely high. You can never have a conversation with a technical guy and not laugh. And when you laugh, you’ll laugh hard.
They can be sensitive. They understand you and know what you want or need. Deep inside, these guys are WOAH! Girls often underestimate them.
Relationships with these guys are usually cool and successful. They understand you and know when to do what and what to do when. The only problem you can have with this kind is that they can be hard to read. And in some cases, they’d hate publicity and prefer to keep their relationship and the details about them private.

3. The Split/Opposite Ones
The guys in this category are funny. They are usually guys that aren’t interested in women. They think they aren’t or pretend not to be but deep inside, they are. They usually lack confidence and find it hard to relate with the opposite sex. Their level of confidence can be seriously depressing. They get naturally zoned a good percentage of the time.
The way these guys operate is quite different. Guys in other categories may operate in the same way, the technical guys especially, but they’re not as good as these split guys at it.
These guys are the ones that base their relationships on a virtual basis. They are the ones that meet 90% of the girls they know online. They use platforms like Twitter or Facebook or text messaging or BBM to meet people and build their relationships with the opposite sex. They find it hard to use Skype for their operations because of their lack of confidence. Phone calls are also hard for these guys.
In the virtual world, social networks and the rest, these guys are KINGS. They are so skilled in the art. These guys often get the girls they want but it takes a lot of time usually. And the relationships they build are superficial.
So far, it may look like these guys do stuff the technical guys would do but there’s a major difference. This difference is that, in real life, the technical guys can handle their interaction with girls. The split/opposite guys cannot. This is where the name of this category comes from. Online, these guys are free and keep cool conversations. But in real life, they are absolute learners. They freeze at times and can say nothing when in real life situations. That’s the major trait and only downside sort of of these kind of guys.
A relationship with this kind of guys can turn out in so many ways. They are the best for long distance relationships. They are usually safe and like to keep everything about their relationship on the lowest key.
Sometimes, guys like this make a transition into a technical kind of guy. This is one of the reasons a relationship with a split guy can end in many ways. Other times, they can turn out to be confident guys later in future. Basically, a split/opposite guy is a work-in-progress.

According to Shovel, this is the right and only valid categorization of guys.

Most of the time, guys never actually fall under one particular category. They or we are usually a combination of any two or all three of the categories. This causes us to have complicated traits and makes us much harder to understand. That’s what we believe but the truth is that, no matter how complex or complicated we feel we are, girls still find it easy to see through us, sadly. Their brains have a filtering mechanism that makes them filter out the true nature of boys regardless of how hard he tries to pretend. Also, they read body language really well so it takes a really crazy guy to play a false persona. In the end, we guys still have to fall under one, two or all three of these categories.

With this, I hope I’ve clarified things. Girls have to ditch the belief that all guys are the same. I strongly believe that a girl that feels all guys are the same is the problem. Picture a case where I keep buying TV remote controls and put the same battery inside. I would be wrong to blame all the remote controls. It’s highly plausible that the problem is from the battery. How does this relate to what I’ve been saying? The girl is the battery and the boys are the remote controls. Sometime soon, I’ll be talking about the girls.

No apology for going AWOL :p

Follow @SeyiSoneye 🙂

The Dysfunctional QnA

I’m sorta amazed at the way a bunch of you reason. Not so long ago, I told you guys I was going to do a QnA post and so I asked you to send your questions to me. Day one, after I asked you guys to send me questions, I checked my twitter mentions, checked my twitter direct messages, and my mail. There was nothing there :(. I wasn’t so shocked cos it was still kind of early. Day two came and I went about the same procedure. Again, there was nothing. I was pained. I was athirst for questions on the third day but again, there was nothing. I expected more from my readers. I wanted to make a pain post but I calmed down and killed the thought.
On the fourth day, with a little level of expectation, I checked my mail and twitter and what do you know, there were questions. I was elated and excited initially up until I got to some kinds of questions. I saw all sorts of questions brethren.
It would be stupid if I don’t show you the questions so I’m going to be doing that. And I promised a QnA soooo…..
Now the questions are going to be in ascending order, from the least crazy to the highest. Here we go:

Q – What made you start your blog?
A – Someone close to me told me I could write and told me to check out a blog THIS . I checked it out and it inspired me to start my own.

Q – Whats your favorite color?
A – Orange

Q – What’s your favorite series?
A – Revenge

Q – What’s your favorite movie?
A – The Dictator

Q – What football club(s) do you support?
A – FC Barcelona and Liverpool FC

Q – What’s your favorite font?
A – Really?? -___- My favorite font is my handwriting

Q – Are you single?
A – Naah, I’m plural.

Q – What’s an embarrassing moment that has happened more than twice?
A – One of my best questions. Well, on countless occasions, I push doors that clearly say pull, and pull doors that clearly say push.

Q – What is Sinzu?
A – Sinzu is Sinzu

Q – What is your favorite food?
A – Anything ketchup goes with

Q – Your view on fame?
A – I don’t feel I need to be famous, I just need famous people to know me

Q – If you were to come across a new color, what would you name it?
A – Fanfo

Q – The square root of 69 is
A – I didn’t do mathematics in primary school

Q – Say you we’re a girl, what would your name be?
A – Simple, Shovelina

Q – Why do you say ‘female’ instead of ‘girl’?
A – It seems more professional

Q – What is the color of your bum bum?
A – Green -_-

Q – If you are president for a day, what’s the first thing you’ll do?
A – Errr…… Chill in the presidential kitchen and eat life.

Q – How often do you shave your pubic hair?
A – Once every four years

Q – How did you get the name ‘Shovel’?
A – summary – I called a friend a name and he called me Shovel

Q – Who is your favorite artiste?
A – Justin Bieber

Q – If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Why?
A – To be honest, I dunno, I just smile and pretend I understand anytime I hear it

Q – What’s your biggest secret?
A – I shouldn’t tell you this but……………….. I’m actually the real James Bond

Q – John buys 302 apples and gives 291 away. Since he has 11 apples left, what is the cure to HIV/AIDS?
A – LMAO the cure is in the 145th apple

Q – If Davido releases another Skelewu video, what will happen?
A – Michael Jackson will resurrect, slap him and die again

Q – How is FIFA 14 to you?
A – It’s oily

Q – Where do you see Aaron Ramsey in the next two years?
A – I believe Real Madrid will buy him for 4672728m

Q – If Kim and Kanye have another child, what will his or her name be?
A – South West

Q – What do you think about Miley Cyrus’ sudden change?
A – I prefer her like this

Q – Why is water transparent?
A – Google It please 🙂

A fellow blogger asked me these:
Q – If Moin-Moin costs 50 naira, how much does Moin cost?
A – In honest truth, I fell Moin should cost 25 naira

Q – When A Tree Falls In The Forest, Does It Make A Sound?
A – Yep, Gbisssshhhhh

Q – You Wake Up And Mysteriously Find A Dick In Your Butt. Do You Take It or Leave It?
A – I sleep back

Q – In Almost All Of Sarkodie’s Songs, He Says “You Know Say Money No Be Problem.” What IS The Problem If It’s Not Money?
A – The problem is that his vocabulary is not wide

Q – With Global Warming, Corruption, Hunger And Poverty Striking Many Parts Of The World, What Is Your Opinion On The Rising Price Of Condoms?
A – You are mad

Q – With Geico, 15 Minutes Could Save You 15% Or More On Car Insurance. What About The Remaining 85%?
A – The remaining 85% appears in Miley Cyrus’ bum bum

Q – For A Long Time, This Question Has Been Perplexing Me, Millions Of Other People, And Sisqo Especially. Who Let The Dogs Out?
A – Sisqo actually let the dogs out. He made the song to distract us from suspecting him.

Q – How Do You Explain How To Discern Your Left From Your Right To A Blind Person?
A – Stab him in his right hand and shit in his left hand. Tell his the hand with shit is the left and the stabbed hand is the right, simple.

Q – What Color Is Water?
A – Water Color

That’s all I’m answering. If you have any more questions, find a way to get at me. You’re strictly on your own.
Bye and Follow @SeyiSoneye

The Silly Things are Back

Who remembers not too long ago when I told you guys about those filthy, silly things? If you don’t, check here. Anyway, it seemed as though they left after my brief encounters with them but turns out there back. There’s nothing special or unexpected about them coming back but it’s the way they made their comeback that ticks me.

Oh yeah, I just remembered I promised this post was going to be a QnA thing but I haven’t gotten a large amount of questions so I’ll wait till I get more. I mean, the more questions I answer, the easier it’ll be for y’all to judge.

As I was saying, the rats are back. So few days back on a lazy evening, I was on my bed, chilling like my grandfather cos I had nothing useful to do. I was simply staring at the ceiling and trying to calculate how much dodo I had consumed since I was born,  when suddenly I began to hear sounds from my locker. This got me really scared because I was the only one in the room. Now I had just finished watching a horror movie and so I called out, ‘Who’s there?’ To be honest, I was expecting to get an answer. Three, four calls later with no answer, I decided to man up and check what was making the sound.

Dramatically, I walked up to my locker. I took my belt off and held it in my right hand. Slowly, I opened the door of the locker. As I saw the source of the noise, I burst into laughter. If I saw a rat, simply moving up on down, I won’t have been surprised. But I saw two of the filthy creatures, chilling on a super low-key. I guess they were a couple cos they were cuddling. The stupid things had even nibbled the chocolate cookies I hoped to share with my roommates when they got back from wherever they went. This pissed me off but I watched for a few minutes and had a good laugh after which I raised my belt up to give the stupid things a good beating.  Now this is where everything gets scary.

As I delivered the first lash of the belt, the smaller of the two rats, jumped in front of the way larger rat. I paused in disbelief. It seemed like the rat that jumped, the smaller one, in the way of the belt was male and the larger on was female. I think my guy was trying to ‘take the bullet for his girl’. I didn’t know animals did this too, in real life. I wanted to clear my doubt and so I aimed the female rat that was way bigger and delivered another heavy lash. Again, homeboy jumped in the way of the belt and took the whip. I was touched by this act of love and felt I should have mercy on the dirty things. I tried to clear my locker so I’d have a better chance of beating the living daylight out of the rats but all attempts proved futile because the retarded animals kept moving about and abeg, i didn’t want to have rat stuff on my hands.

Few seconds later, the rats stopped and began to cuddle in the corner of my locker. I honestly couldn’t believe what I was seeing. These things had balls. I believed that they were going to run away after the first two lashes but they didn’t. This made me believe they were probably having a date in my locker. I giggled at the thought of this and concluded that it would be nice of me, but nasty though, to leave them. I simply took all consumables out of my locker and left the doors wide open so I’d watch what the two rats would do on their ‘date’. I got on my bed and began to watch them. The female rat went over the male rat and began to lick his wounds. This brought me to tears. I cried and cried because I felt like a wicked person. I cried up until I slept off.

I woke up in the middle of the night and checked my locker for the rats but they weren’t there. I thought of the act of love I had seen in the rats and began to feel sad. My sadness turned to anger when i realized that the useless things had eaten the rest of the chocolate cookies in my locker. Turns out I forgot to take it out. I promised myself that I must end the life of any rat that crosses my path.

When I was done promising myself, i got on my bed and began to replay the whole thing in my head. The thought made me smile. I eventually yawned and slept off.

Animals are evolving brethren. We have to prepare ourselves because they’re getting stronger. I strongly believe they have a ‘resistance’ group that’s plotting how to wage war on us humans. We should begin to devise new plans and draw up tactics to counter whatever the animals want to do. That’s all though. Have a nice day and follow @SeyiSoneye.

Back When…

Hello! Hi! How are you? How you doing? What’s good? What’s happening? What have you been up to? How has your day been? Now that I’m done with the greetings, life shall continue. I hope you guys have been good though.

So I just realized that it’s been a really long time since I dropped something on here for you guys to read and then laugh, mock and judge me. I’ve decided to be the bigger man and accept your wickedness.  So no complaints.

That’s enough beating around the bush so lemme go straight into what I have for you today. Today, I’m going to be making an effort to boost the self-esteem of whoever needs it. Before I go on, I want you guys to know that what you are about to see is seriously embarrassing on sooooo many levels. And cos of this, I’m going to hide my face for the next seven hundred and forty eight thousand years just so none of you point and laugh at me whenever you see me. That being said, I want you to grab a glass of chilled water and relax cos today’s gonna be different. You might also need a roll of tissue paper cos you must cry for me.

So on Thursday, after I had done some studying, I decided to surf the web (That’s the tush way of saying it yeah?). Immediately I connected, my five default pages opened; Twitter, YouTube, Neopets, Disney Channel and Cartoon Network. I checked if there were any new games on the latter three pages but there weren’t any. This broke my heart. I checked YouTube for anything that could interest me but there was nothing. I prayed for something sensible to be happening on twitter but nothing really sensible was there. The night seemed hopeless and so I gave up on the internet and concluded it was a sign that my bed needed me. It felt like a great idea but the night was way too young for me to sleep. I decided to give the internet a second chance and so I opened a new tab. I thought about what pages to open but nothing came to mind. After a few minutes of me staring at the screen, I decided to open Facebook. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah………….. I’m getting bored too. Lemme just go straight to what happened there.

Normal Facebook procedure, check for someone to chat with, judge some people based on their pictures, read some funny comments and the other stuff we all do.  When I was done with all this, I decided to check my messages from wayyyyyyyy baaaccckkk. It was a terrible mistake brethren. This is where shit gets real.

Immediately I began to read a certain chat from 2010, I buried my head in my hands and began to cry. I saw some really cheesy stuff. I still can’t believe I could say things like that. After what felt like three or five minutes of crying, I wiped the tears and continued reading.

My typing was serious crap. You might not understand what I’m saying but when you see something like this

 shit 1

you’ll get my point. Funny enough, this is nothing compared to this really sad one I saw. I mean, nothing in life should be as cheesy as this

 shit 2

Yep, I typed that, with my own fingers. That’s all me. If it ended there, I’d be extremely happy but it didn’t. There’s more crazy stuff.

Gauge this one.

shit 5

English should never, ever, ever, ever, be this serious. Then this one too

shit 4

 What the actual vugg is that? It doesn’t end there o, there’s one more. Now this one is by far the wrongest of them all, the worst of them all, the most stupid of them all, and the daftest of them all. The killing part is that it’s by far the most sexual thing I’ve seen in my life. I don’t think anything on earth can be as sexual as this

shit 3

 Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, lizards and snakes, I think it’s clear that I’ve killed it. The sad part is that I know most of you have done worse than me. I won’t say anything. I hope I’ve convinced any of you that used to think your case is hopeless. Whatever your case is, I’m sure it can never be as pitiful as what I’ve just shown you. (The funny thing is that I was educated when all this happened)

Anyway, that’s all for today. The cheesiness and madness has to stop. I hope y’all enjoyed reading this and judging. That was way back though. I’m a changed man now. ^ ^ I understand English better.

So in my next post, I’m going to be doing a sort of QnA, that’s question and answer. If you guys have any questions for me, simply mail me @ seyisoneye@yahoo.com or get at me on twitter @SeyiSoneye. I’d make the whole thing into a post for all of you to read and judge me based on my answers. You should know that if you ask me stuff like “If Moin-Moin Costs 50 Naira, How Much Does Moin Cost?” I can only pray for you.

And with that, we’ve come to the end of today’s post. I hope you guys have a great weekend. And a special shout-out to all October-borns out there!! It’s our month baby!
Follow @SeyiSoneye