SUSAN

BOOM’…… That was the sound of my head connecting with a floor tile. And then the whole place went dead silent. I’m sure I could have heard an ant moving. With her hands over her mouth, eyes wide open, she stood and stared down at me. I was lost as the look on her face was difficult to read. Shock? Awe? Fear? I couldn’t tell. She looked like she had just seen the devil. I was just there, motionless. I tried to move my arms and legs but I couldn’t. ‘Oh my God!’ I thought. ‘Am I dead?’ I asked myself.

Seventy Hours Earlier

*tap *tap. That was dad trying to wake me up. I jumped up from bed and hugged him. ‘Good morning daddy’ I said with a wide smile on my face. He looked back at me, clearly amazed. ‘What’s all this excitement about?’ he asked. I was never one to be so excited about school on a Monday morning. ‘I’m not telling you’, I answered with my tongue sticking out of my mouth. He simply laughed briefly and carried me to his room.

There, together with my mum and sister, we thanked God for making us see another day and committed the day into His holy hands. ‘Morning mum’ I shouted immediately we were done sharing the grace. ‘Ah, what’s making you so pumped this morning?’ She said after she kissed my cheeks. ‘I’m not telling you’ I confidently said as I hugged her. Ruby shot a jealous look at me. I guess she was jealous of the attention I was getting.

I was enjoying the warmth of her hug when my dad interrupted, ‘don’t waste my time this morning, I need to………..’ I could detect the seriousness in the tone of his voice. I didn’t need to hear the whole sentence. With amazing speed, I ran to my room, got my pajamas off and jumped into the bathroom. I had just learned how to bathe myself so I didn’t need to wait for mummy to help me with that.

In less than two minutes, I was done. My school uniform was on my bed already. Mum never failed to keep it neat and presentable. In a flash, I was dressed. I ran to the kitchen, picked my personal cereal bowl and dropped it back. Nah, no time to eat, I thought to myself.

Ruby! Ruby! Ruby! Hurry up’ I shouted at the top of my voice. ‘I’m coming’ she answered, sounding clearly annoyed with my incessant noise making.

Few minutes later, we hit the road. In the car, I kept on smiling. Ruby and dad kept wondering what was going on with me. I didn’t want tell them about this particular girl in my class, my seat partner to be precise. Her name was Susan. The previous week, I told her I liked her handwriting and she told me she liked my handwriting too. Truth was, I liked her and the only way my young brain could think of making my feelings known was to commend her handwriting. I mean, I was barely ten years old. Her handwriting wasn’t all that but hey, love is blind. We had both agreed to swap English notes and write so we’ll have both our handwritings in our notes.

Traffic that morning was annoying. Everywhere was jammed surprisingly. My excitement was making me uneasy. I wanted to get to school early and sharpen my pencils so my handwriting would look good in her English note.

We finally got to school. ‘Have a nice day’, dad said but I was too excited to answer him.  I simply waved to him as I ran to my class. It took me less than 10 seconds to sharpen my 5 new pencils.

When I was done, I sat in my seat and waited for Susan to show up. After what seemed like 7385 hours, I looked at the clock. It was 8:00am. Susan always got to school between 7:40am and 7:47am. I was worried majorly because I was eager to see her.

9:00, 10:30, 12:45, 2:00, 3:00, Susan didn’t show up. She skipped school that day. I felt my little heart shatter. All my excitement, the effort I put into sharpening my pencils, all gone.

I sat on a park bench in the playground. Head down, feeling hurt and disappointed.

I heard my name. That was Ruby calling me. I answered her after the sixth call. I looked around for where her voice was coming from. Next to the school gate, she stood and waved her hands up in the air. ‘Dad’s here’ she shouted.

I picked my school bag from the bottom of a tree and dragged my feet as I walked towards dad’s car. ‘Good afternoon daddy’ I said with the dullest voice possible. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, shocked because the last time he saw me, I was acting like I’d just won a lottery. ‘Don’t worry’ I answered with a fake smile on my face. The journey home was silent, well for me.

On getting home, watching a good dose of cartoon network put me back in a good mood. It was like I was never sad about not seeing Susan.

The next morning was normal. Dad came in, woke me up, and left. And like every other school morning, I just slept back immediately the sound of his footsteps faded out. The moment I got comfortable resuming my sleep, dad came back in, carried me on his shoulders and took me to his room. The force he used in throwing me on his bed got me wide awake. I wasn’t excited about anything that morning. I slept through the prayers. When ‘they’ were done praying, I woke up and began to get ready for school.

After I was done preparing for school, I got into dad’s car and waited for Ruby and him. She always took more time to get ready for school because she was a slow-eater. Not too long after I got into the car, I slept off. The next time I woke up, I was in school.

Have a nice day’, dad said as he drove off.

We always got to school at 7:20am. On days when Ruby wastes time, we get there 7:35am. Latest 7:40am. We got to school 7:30am this time.  Unusually, my class was sort of empty this morning. With a puzzled look on my face, I greeted my class teacher and went to my seat. And then it began the wait for Susan.

7:45, 7:55, 8:00. Susan didn’t show up again. I was seriously worried this time. I thought of different things and felt, worst case scenario, Susan was staying home because she was sick.

School was boring that day. It rained and so we couldn’t go out to play when it was break time. The really painful thing was that I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I was kind of quiet. Susan was one of the few people I talked to and she wasn’t around. I was depressed the whole day. My last period for the day was free and so I slept since I had no one to talk to.

*clang*clang*clang*. That was the sound of the school bell ringing. I was so happy to hear it. I got up from my seat, stretched for some time, picked my school bag and went downstairs to the playground. Some boys were playing a game of ‘police-and-thief’. Dad hadn’t come to pick me and so I decided to join them in playing.  The only role left to play was ‘thief’. The first round started and I took to my heels. About 4 boys began to chase me. I ran and ran and ran. After a while, I got tired and one of the boys caught me. I was too tired to chase him back but I didn’t want to disappoint and kill the game so I forced myself to chase him. I was a bit slow majorly because I was tired. Immediately the boys were out of sight, I gave up and sat next to Sharon on a park bench on the playground.

Sharon was Susan’s twin sister. I had never spoken to her really. Although, there was one time I borrowed her orange Crayola marker without asking her. I remember saying ‘Sorry’ when I returned the marker. Apart from that, we had never interacted.

What’s wrong?’ I asked. I felt something wasn’t right because her eyes were red and she looked like she had been crying. ‘Nothing, I’m okay’ she answered as she wiped a tear that was rolling down her right cheek. ‘You sure? You don’t look it’ I said as I leaned close to her.  ‘Yeah, don’t worry’ she replied. I could tell she forced herself to say that from the tone of her voice. I wanted to ask about Susan but I felt it would be insensitive of me. I was about asking her once more what the problem was when one of my other classmates, Fred, shouted my name and told me my dad was here for me. ‘I’m coming’ I shouted back at him.

I have to go now’ I said to Sharon as I got up. ‘Bye’ she relied and waved at me.

The ride home was silent. Dad stopped by at his friend’s office to get something. There was nothing fun to do and so Ruby and I slept off.

Were home’ Dad said as he tugged at my shoulder.

Slowly, Ruby and I got out of the car and as if we planned it, we went straight to the kitchen. Mum had made lunch. Plantain porridge. We ate and immediately went to bed.

Next morning, I was ready for school before dad came in to wake me. I was enthusiastic about going to school because I felt Susan should have recovered from her sickness. I prayed and hoped that Ruby wasn’t going to waste time that morning. God answered my prayers and before I could tie both my shoelaces, we were on our way to school.

This time, we got to school at 7:10am. To my surprise, class wasn’t empty. About 5 people were there already. I scanned the classroom – Fred, Kola, Cindy, Joseph and Sharon. Sharon??? Where’s Susan? I thought.

I dropped my schoolbag on my desk. Everyone in the class was talking about a ‘Courage the Cowardly Dog’ episode they watched the previous day. Sharon wasn’t contributing. She just sat in her seat with her head on her desk. I hurried over to her side and tapped her back.

Hi!’ I said as she lifted her head from the desk. ‘How come you’re in school this early?’ She asked. ‘I should be asking you that’ I replied with a joke-frown. She was about replying when I asked ‘Where’s your sister?

Tears rolled down her cheeks immediately she heard the question. I was confused. ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked, sounding really worried.

She began to cry profusely. Everyone in the class fixed their eyes on me. I believe they were thinking I had done something to hurt her.  I was still trying to adjust to the awkwardness of the eyes on me when Sharon pushed the desk in front of her, got up, buried her face in her hands and ran out of the class.

I ran out to look for her after a minute. ‘SHARON, where are you?’ I shouted, hoping to hear her response. No answer. I called out many more times but she never answered.

Something told me to check the toilet. I got there and heard sniffles. I could tell it was Sharon. I tried to open the door. It was locked.

Why are you crying?’ I asked, making sure my voice was soft and light. There was a long pause.

‘SHE’S DEAD, SHE’S DEAD’

My whole body went numb. I didn’t understand. I wanted to ask her to tell me what she meant but mum had taught me to judge situations before I say some kind of things. ‘Who’s dead? Susan? It can’t be.’ I thought.

I had just seen her the previous week. I forced myself not to think of what Sharon said and went back to my class. I had it in mind that Susan might actually be dead. She was never one to miss school for one day. It had been three days. I mean, the girl was the only one ahead of me in my struggle to top the class.

By the 4th period, Sharon’s mum walked into my class. Her eyes were seriously red. It was obvious she had been crying. I feared the worst. She called for Sharon. I guess my class teacher called her and told her about Sharon. Sharon had been crying all morning.

School was dull and silent that day.  I kept on checking the time, praying for school to end fast.

Dad came early to pick Ruby and I that day. For the first time, I went to Ruby’s class to call her.

The whole ride home, I stared out the window and began to think about what had happened in school. I didn’t want to think about it anymore and so I picked dad’s phone and began to play Snake.

I was about breaking my high score when a call came in. *ring* Incoming Call – Mrs. Baja

Phone call’ I said as I handed the phone over to dad. Mrs. Baja was Sharon’s mum. I was curious and paid full attention to the conversation. I prayed for Dad to put the call on loudspeaker and funny enough, he did. I guess he heard my thought.

Hello Ma’ Dad said

Good afternoon’ Mrs. Baja replied. She sounded sad and depressed.

What’s the matter? You sound down’ Dad said with a caring voice.

O ti ku, omo mi ti ku’ Mrs. Baja answered. I could tell she was in tears as she spoke.

I didn’t understand Yoruba that much but I understood what Mrs. Baja said. It sounded like the same thing my aunt told my mum when my grandpa died.

Ah………………….It is well. I’ll be there immediately I drop the kids.’ Dad said.

As I heard this, my doubts were cleared.

Susan was dead.

I felt so bad. I was scared. And then tears began to fill my eyes. I never got the chance to tell her I fancied her. I never even got the chance to write in her note and she never got to write in mine.

Dad drove home directly and dropped Ruby and I. He sped off immediately we got out of the car. For the first time ever, I didn’t eat lunch. I simply went to my bed and cried.

Later, in the evening, Ruby was worried and began to disturb me to tell her what was wrong. I didn’t want to answer. She decided to torture me by tickling me. I began to laugh and wrestle out of her grip. I eventually did and began to run. She immediately chased after me. I ran into the toilet. Ruby was behind me. I realized I was trapped. I looked around for a way to go past her and escape. There was no hope.

And then a crazy thought came to my mind. Some boys in my class used to do some flips and I decided to attempt one. So, I climbed the toilet sink and pushed off so hard.

Oops, I slipped. Ruby screamed as I went down head first.

‘BOOM’…… That was the sound of my head connecting with a floor tile. And then the whole place went dead silent. I’m sure I could have heard an ant moving. With her hands over her mouth, eyes wide open, she stood and stared down at me. I was lost as the look on her face was difficult to read. Shock? Awe? Fear? I couldn’t tell. She looked like she had just seen the devil. I was just there, motionless. I tried to move my arms and legs but I couldn’t.

Oh my God!’ I thought.

Am I dead?’ I asked myself.

I wouldn’t be bothered though.

At least I’ll get to see Susan again.

–          @SeyiSoneye

Why SHOVEL Won’t Change His Avatar

What’s happening? You guys okay? Hopefully, yes.

I didn’t feel like posting so soon but some of you indirectly forced me. And then it’s my job to keep you happy. So Here’s todays bants.

Many times, people ask me why I’ve been using the same twitter avatar for so long. Because of the large number of curious people, I’ve decided to make the answer a post. Before I go on, y’all should have it at the back of your minds that this whole thing has nothing to do with looks. By that, I mean I’m good-looking and if you don’t think so

memememe

The answer isn’t so complex and at the same time, it’s not all that basic. Just in case you don’t know, I’m a boy. That’s what the biology folk call ‘male’.  Anyway, the truth is that I’m scared of cameras. And so because of that, I try my best to avoid taking pictures or better still, appearing in any kind of picture; moving (video) or still. That’s the foundational reason or primary reason or parent reason. You should know that doesn’t totally mean I don’t take pictures at all. I actually do but it depends on the importance or relevance of the picture. So it’s safe to say I ‘RARELY’ take pictures.

Since I called that my parent reason, you don’t have to be a genius to know that there are many other reasons. Let’s call them ‘sub-reasons’.  I know you would have liked a straight and brief answer to the question but hey, it’s better I answer you fully just so you don’t ask me any more questions on the topic.

My sub-reasons aren’t so tough to guess. They’re probably the most famous reasons why people like me don’t change our twitter avatars regularly or better still, don’t take pictures.

  • Cameras like to play smart

Wondering how that makes sense? It’s simple. The few times I decide to take pictures, cameras never get the actual thing. For some people, cameras seem to enhance their looks i.e. make them look a lot more attractive. For some others, cameras seem to lessen their looks. For another bunch, cameras capture them exactly how they look. And as fate would have it, I happen to fall into the category of those that get their looks lessened. Cruel stuff. I know you don’t care though.

  • Lack of interest / Laziness

As I said earlier, I rarely take pictures. The few times I do are stressful. Stressful because I’m never satisfied with the way the pictures come out and so I keep deleting as I take them. Cus of this, I end up giving up or managing the most presentable one.

  • Ignorance / Lack of Experience

This reason is seriously embarrassing. I’ll try not to think of the shame and go ahead to tell you guys.  I honestly don’t know how to take pictures. Like how to position the camera or how to position myself or how far to tilt my head or how much to pout or how much teeth to show or how bright the background should be or how wide my smile should be or how high to raise an eyebrow etc. Yes. I’m totally ignorant when it comes to that. I know ignorance is never an excuse but pardon me this time.

  • Awon judges

I can’t explain how much effect this one has. If I change my avatar a lot, some people would complain. It can be annoying when someone changes it too frequently. I mean, it’s not your underwear so why change it so much. On the other hand, if I don’t change it a lot, some people will complain. I don’t need to dwell on this because that is the inspiration and reason for this post. I have to be on one side and so I’ve chosen to be on the side of those who don’t change their avatars frequently.

  • Human beings are hard to please

Human beings are hard to please so why should I bother? I mean, if I use something like this as my twitter avatar:

Snapshot_20130912

I’d get questions like; why is the background so weird? Why isn’t the picture a selfie? Could this picture be a selfie-fail? Why is the background so bright? Who are the other boys?  What’s that oxblood thing on the right? Why isn’t the picture clear? Why isn’t there teeth showing? Why not a blue or red or orange tee? Where exactly is that? Why is the boy in the vest showing his arm? Why is Seyi’s nose big? (In case you didn’t know, I’m Seyi. I’m the one in black with ‘Shovel’ written beautifully on my shirt). You can call me Shovel) Why isn’t his head tilted? Why didn’t he pout? Why is his mouth open? Is his hair combed?

Wouldn’t life be easier if I didn’t take the picture? No one would have to be thinking of any questions.

Anyway, that’s all for this post. I hope I’ve answered your question. Now you should know the reason why I won’t change my avatar.  Bye and follow @SeyiSoneye.

How Shovel Sees It – Sarcasm

Hey People. What’s up with you guys? It’s been a while since I last dropped something here, almost a week now. Who liked my honesty? I’m talking about my last post. Two posts back, I promised I was going to show you pepper because of the way you people are and I did justice to my promise by actually showing you pepper in my last post. Yes, I’m a man of my word. So brethren, if you’re looking for a good person, I’m always here.

So last night, after a very long day, I got back to my room really tired and stressed. On a normal night, I would never sleep before 11pm, regardless of how stressful the day might have been. This night was different. As I got in my room, I fell on my bed, did a little tweeting and tried my best to sleep. The sleep just didn’t come and so, I just stared at the ceiling and began to think of nothing in particular.

Different words and thoughts flowed through my mind but only one caught my attention.

SARCASM.

I began to ponder on the word. When I realized how pointless what I was doing was, I slept off. The next morning, I got up and rushed my preparation as I had to leave early for a programme I had to attend. When I was done with all my preparing, I left for the programme. I got there kind of early so all I could do was wait till it was time for the programme to start. I decided to while away time by taking a really brief power nap. As I slouched in my seat and closed my eyes, the word came again.

SARCASM.

Again, I began to think about the word. After a really short period of thought, it hit me. What hit me, you might be wondering. The truth. That’s what hit me. The truth about sarcasm.

Sarcasm has different meanings. Most of the time, it depends on the context. It is, by official definition, “a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt.” That’s how people with time for long story see it. Much of it is irony. For example, “What a fine musician you turned out to be!”. “This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. ”

To some people, it’s an attitude. Attitude in the sense that a person can be ‘sarcastic’. Different people have their own perception of it; though most of the perceptions are similar. Mine’s totally different though.

To be honest, I’ve never and still do not understand the concept behind sarcasm. Why it exists and all. Then it hurts when I see people use it or do it (I honestly don’t know the verb to use for it) because I don’t get it. I’ve always believed that I hate it but how can I hate something I don’t understand? Weird yeah?

To me, sarcasm is just an excuse for lying. Like a lie that’s meant to be funny and mean at the same time. For example, my sister goes to school in the morning. Later in the day, I see her in her room and I go, ‘You’re back already‘. And she shoots back at me saying, ‘No, I’m still at school ’. That’s sarcasm right? Or better still, she’s being sarcastic? That’s how most people would see it. To me, she’s lying. Meaning she’s a liar, because she just lied. But no, you’ll say I’m wrong when I’m actually right. You’ll say its sarcasm when she actually dropped a lie.

I mean, it’s clear that she’s not at school but at home. What’s wrong in saying, ‘Yes, I am’. What’s the big idea in telling me she’s at school? Is she trying to be mean? Or funny? Some would say she’s trying to be funny, some would say she’s trying to be mean, another set would say she’s trying to do both at the same time. But isn’t all that wrong? Didn’t she lie? Let’s be honest.

Judging from that example, I guess it’s safe to say sarcasm is really all about lying. This in turn implies that irony is also lying. Isn’t lying opposing morals? Isn’t it wrong to lie? I know lying can make one look good while the real truth is not known but still, isn’t it wrong? If it is, doesn’t that indirectly make sarcasm wrong?

I’m not judging. I’m just looking at it logically. You don’t have to agree with me because I don’t understand it. I force myself to hate it because of the pain of ignorance about it.

I can further conclude that English opposes morals in its own way; with ‘irony’ and ‘sarcasm’ as evidence of English’s guilt.

That’s all for today people. This is just one of those things that come to mind once in a while. What’s your view of the topic? Let me know. (Comment).  Later folks. Follow @SeyiSoneye.

And Here’s the Pepper

No greetings. I’m going straight to the point. Who remembers when I said I was going to be showing you guys pepper in my last post? I’m a man of my word so here it goes.

Pepper

There are different kinds of pepper. Only God knows how many species exist. I don’t have time to start looking for all of them so I’d just be telling you about the few I know of.

1. Red Pepper

sdfgdfg

This is probaby the most famous kind of pepper. It can be incorporated into almost any dish as far as I’m concerned. It’s hot but I don’t think it’s the hottest kind of pepper.

2. Green Pepper

indexff

I honestly don’t understand the concept of this pepper. Why its green and all. I don’t think it has any special nutrient or any form of hotness. I believe it’s used only to add colour to dishes. Like fried eggs.

3. Chili Pepper

indexjj

I think this is the one of the hottest peppers. It originated in the Americas. After the Colunbian Exchange, many cultivators of chili pepper spread across the world. It’s used in both food and medicine. I don’t like it though.

4. Ata Rodo

rodo

To be honest, I don’t know the real name of this kind of pepper. Ever since I was born, I’ve known it as ‘ata rodo’. I feel it’s the hottest one though. I’ve had many experiences with it. I remember the first time I tried to incorporate it into my cooking. I had just learned how to cook noodles that time (About 8 years old). So after putting a pot of water on the gas cooker, I picked about ten ‘ata-rodo’s’, washed them and threw them into the pot. I sliced some onions, added two pieces of meat and waited for the whole thing to boil. After about ten miuntes, I put in the noodles, waited for it to get done, blah, blah, blah. When it was done, I dished the food and proceeded to eat my ‘masterpiece’.  The rest of that story is for me to know and for none of you to find out.

After that, I’ve come to respect ‘ata-rodo’. Because of it, I have trust issues with other kinds of pepper.

5. Tatashe

index

Tatashe is a disturbed kind of pepper. I think it’s the yoruba name for chili pepper but I prefer to believe it’s a different specie entirely.

Pepper can be used to garnish almost every dish. The best one is pepper soup. That soup is not normal. I can give anything for an everlasting supply of pepper soup.

imagesd

(I made that thing you’re looking at)

Life too can show you pepper. I’m going to conclude by telling you guys this:

images

That’s all for this post. I promised to show you pepper and I’ve done justice to my promise. Were even now. Have a good day! And don’t forget to follow @SeyiSoneye.

Silence Has Its Upside

Hello beautiful people. So it’s been a while since I last dropped something here. How are you guys doing today? To be honest, I’m not interested. I really don’t care. Why? You may ask. I just realized most of you, apart from one or two people don’t care about me. As we all know, it’s been a while since I last posted. Most of you didn’t ask me why. Truth is; I was really sick. But hey, none of you care. All you guys care about is reading about embarrassing, painful or ‘funny’ things that happen to me. You might be wondering why I made funny bold. The thing is, most of those things you regard as funny are in no way funny to me. Take my worst week or the Senior G things as an example. Those were not funny in any way. But you guys proudly mentioned me saying things like, ‘LOL’ and ‘LMFAO’. I won’t judge you guys. But I’d definitely find a way to get back at you. Anyway, since that’s how you mean folk want to treat me, I will show you pepper in my next post.

So before I go into what’s for today, I want to re-introduce myself just in case this is your first time here. My name is Seyi. Different people have different names for me but you’re free to call me ‘Shovel’. I’d tell you how I got the name sometime later. I’m male or in simpler English, I’m a boy. Boy because I don’t have ‘bear bear’ yet.

Okay, as I said earlier, you folk only care about the embarrassing, painful or funny things I experience. Because of that, todays post is going to be something in the vein of that. It’s pretty much an embarrassing story. (I know you’re smiling now, God will judge you). It starts here so sit back, in fact, take any position you like, and enjoy.

Sometimes minding ones business is the best way to live. At times, it’s best to believe that saying that ‘silence is golden’. I used to think it was just an excuse people used when they wanted people to keep quiet. But then a recent experience made me change my mind. My story begins sometime last week.

It was a wonderful Tuesday morning. Those kinds of mornings that you’re awake but you find it difficult to get out of bed because of how awesome the weather is. I was still laying on my bed, wondering how the day was going to turn out when my room-mate reminded me about the early morning lecture we were supposed to have.  I checked my watch and there was no way I could make the class in time before the lecturer. I mean, it was an 8:00am lecture and the time was 7:47am. I jumped out of bed, rushed the entire morning preparation struggle and set out for class with my friends.

That morning lecture turned out to be one of those days you get to class about five minutes after the class starts and hope you’re allowed to go in. My friends and I were already tired when we got there and so we didn’t care about what was going to happen. One of my friends was beginning to panic because the class we had was taken by a really mean lecturer. His panicking disappeared when we realized that the lecturer was not in class (Lab actually). The best part was when we noticed the lab was locked. We all let out a sigh of relief, I mean, who doesn’t like a free period? And then it felt so nice meeting the so called punctual students waiting outside the room thinking they were better than us. We were in the same position now.

My friends and I decided to talk while waiting for the lecturer. Fortunately for us, for me actually, right by my side stood a serious OMOGE/ BEAUTY/HOTTIE with two of her friends (one boy and the other was a girl) having their own chit-chat. As I talked with my friends, my eyes were fixed on her the whole time. Her hair was long and smooth. A little part of it covered one of her eyes. Her lips look more than perfect with the nude lipstick on them. She had a red blazer on and a little bit of cleavage exposed. The black skirt she was wearing made her butt look perfect. I just couldn’t take my eyes of her. She was so beautiful, did I say was, ‘she is beautiful’.

So there I was, standing with my guys. I had stopped contributing to our talk and so I failed to notice that all of them had dispersed. So there I was, alone with my shadow, staring at this beautiful girl God clearly took his time to create. There was no one I knew around so all I could do was listen to her voice as she spoke. Her voice was just as beautiful as she was. From the way she spoke I could tell she was definitely an awesome singer.  I wasn’t invited to contribute in the conversation she was having with her friends but I felt the urge to make my presence noticed. I decided to do this by entering the conversation with something that was related to what they were talking about.

Something you all should know is that, before going into a conversation that you are clearly not invited or needed, always ask questions.

Now this girl was talking to her friends about a change on the timetable which affected one of her courses. She was talking about a certain course whose code was 218. I felt she was wrong, and in an attempt to be a gentleman/form James Bond/to be the savior of the damsel in distress, I decided to correct her. I believed she was wrong because the previous day, the lecturer that took the 218 course told us he had shifted the class to 2pm and madam was saying the class was for 4pm.

I was so confident and so as she said the class was for 4pm, I stopped her and said, ‘uhmm Hi, I’m sorry but 218 is by 2pm ’. She replied, ‘No, that’s not possible, I checked the updated timetable this morning and it’s by 4pm. What are you talking about?’  I didn’t expect her to say this and then the tone of her voice had a little anger in it. I didn’t want to back down and so I answered and said, ‘yesterday, the lecturer changed it. I’m 100% sure of what I’m saying and It wouldn’t be nice if you come when the class is already over.  The lecturer might think you’re irresponsible and I strongly doubt that’s in any way possible ’. The smile I had on as I said that was too nice. I felt that was enough to convince her I was right. Almost immediately, she replied saying, ‘Okay, we’ll see. I hope you’re saying the truth but then, I still feel it’s by 4pm. But since you’re so sure, I’d check by 2pm’. Apparently, it had turned into a semi-argument.  I was about saying, ‘Oh cool, I’m Seyi, what’s your name?’ when I saw that the lecturer had entered and was about to shut the door. I didn’t plan to rush in until I got her name but she rushed in without waiting for me to respond. I was seriously pained. I eventually entered the class and sat down. I told my friends about the change in the timetable and about the damsel I had just spoke or argued with. After telling them my experience, one of my not so smart friends who had dozed off already came back to life and said ‘Err Shovel, are you sure it’s the same 218 we offer that she was talking about?’ Immediately, I had a Selah moment. I hadn’t thought of that.

I looked around for someone close by that was her course mate. At this point, I didn’t care about what the lecturer was saying. The only thing that was going through my mind was if I had  made a complete fool of myself  in front of such a  beautiful girl which I had planned to go and do my ‘follow-up’ with when the class was over. One of her course mates was seated directly behind me. I asked him which 218 they offered, hoping it was the same one I was offering. He simply said the opposite of what I wanted to hear.  Apparently, we offered different 218’s.

Immediately I felt a chill in my spine, I was like, OMG, what have I done.  Throughout the class I couldn’t help but think of how stupid I was. I should have asked her which 218 she did, I felt really stupid. I couldn’t imagine what she would have thought of me when she found out she was right the whole time. The argument was actually longer than what I described, but hey, as I said earlier, I don’t care about you folk so you don’t deserve to know the full conversation. If you were nice to me, I might have told you the full thing.

When the lecture ended, I was the first person to leave the lab.

Moral lesson:

  1.  Never contribute if your opinion is not requested for.
  2. Mind your business.
  3. Beautiful ladies tend to cause a serious effect on the male brain.
  4. Silence is truly golden.

That’s all for today. Again, you all are mean. I hope you change. Even though I don’t care about you people, I hope you have a great day. Bye and don’t forget to follow @SeyiSoneye.