Adulting, A Scam

Adulting, a word which, according to OxfordDictionaries means ‘The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks’; according to a definition in Urban Dictionary means ‘To do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent…or anything else that makes one think of grown up’.

Both trash definitions in my opinion. My favorite definition of the word however, of the same source as the latter in the paragraph above, is ‘Post adolescence when the light in your eyes fades away and dies’. Hashtag tears. What aptness! 

Like myself, I imagine millenials — (God I hate that word), a word here which means a dem.. Yeah, I don’t feel like going into detail; just know if your birth year falls within the range of 1982-2000 or so, you’re a ‘millennial’. By the way, I should mention that this whole thing would be more relatable for those that fall in the 1990-1997 birth year demographic — can relate with the ‘light in your eyes fades away and dies’ description.

Looking back, I feel like such a fool. As a young boy, innocent and full of joy, I hated being young. I wanted to be old. ‘I can’t wait to be an adult, I’m tired of being treated like a child’, ‘I can’t wait to be old and be free’, ‘I can’t wait to be…’ yeah, you get the point. What a naive naive goat! What an ignorant monkey! Many years later (now), when I think of the word adult/grown-up, first thing that comes to mind is, ‘this isn’t what I saw when I saw what I saw’.

So, scam. Adulting is a scam, if we’re being honest. While I’m not the biggest fan of the word, for reasons particular to frustration, I would not refrain from using it, albeit limited to the confines of this post.

I am angry with every adult in my life, from when I was a child, as should every millennial (yep, it is what it is). They listened to us go on and on about wanting to be adults and never for once stopped us to tell us the truth. Evil bunch. (I digress) In my parents’ defense though, there was a certain disgust and pain that appeared on their faces whenever I went on about wanting to be grown up. 

What about ‘adulting’ is so bad? You’ve been going on and on, and you haven’t even mentioned a thing about what makes this ‘adulting’ thing a scam? I imagine these are questions running through your mind. And rightly so. My bad. 

If I was told to make a list of things that make said term a scam, I would go on and on and on and on. But, no one wants me to go on and on and on and on soooo, restricting it to a few (very few) points, here we go.

Kicking off with probably the most annoying thing about it, SPENDING YOUR OWN MONEY. Yeah, I know we should be responsible for ourselves and stuff but… Why? Why should I spend my own money? Agreed, this wouldn’t be such a bad thing if said ‘own money’ was in abundance, which, for most ‘millenials'(that word again) isn’t so, unfortunately. 

Growing up, my parents (and I’m guessing a good number of people) were on some Matthew 7:7 shit. Did I just use a bible passage and shit in the same sentence? Yup. So Matthew 7:7 is that passage that says ‘Ask and it shall be given unto you’. It says more than that but I don’t need the rest of the passage so. Parents were on that ‘if you want something, ask for it, we’ll get it for you’ wave. This was a good thing, a good style of parenting. It would have been better if this Matthew 7:7 behaviour didn’t diminish as one grew older. Basically Matthew 7:7 behavior was inversely proportional to your age. Not sure about the mathematical correctness of that but it feels alright. Don’t judge me. 

Anyway, after this wave passed, most progressed to the ‘collecting money’ stage. We started to understand the value of money. Couple more stages after and we’ve arrived at this ‘independence’ stage. E dey pain, not gonna lie. 

Another annoying thing about adulting that  goes hand in hand with the previous point is PEOPLE STOP GIVING YOU MONEY. I need not say much about this really. Those uncles, those daddy’s friends, those aunties.. Suddenly, they stop giving you money. Funny story, one time after I had graduated from University, someone asked me ‘How is school?’ And I responded ‘Stressful, but it’s okay. I’m surviving’ because I knew he would give me money if he believed I was still in school. People of God, I got free money that day, Glory. What is shame?

My personal favorite thing to hate about adulting, life is a draggggg. Just like this post, which, wow, has been quite long, life becomes longgg. There’s this hanging pressure that makes you feel you should be doing more. At the same time, a counter feeling that makes you feel you’re still young and should take it easy. It’s a very tricky thing, handling it. You don’t want to give into the pressure of the former as it can make you cross that line, that line between ambition and inordinate ambition. You also don’t want to let the latter consume you as it can make you become lazy and lackadaisical. 

My final point, RESPONSIBILITIES.  The worst. This spans every damn area of your life. Finances. Relationships. Decisions. Health. Values. The way you handle everything changes. Relationships for example, you can’t act like a child no’more – Finances, well, I need not say much about that – Your values are tested occasionally – You have to be more conscious about your health.

All in all, ‘adulting’ is a scam. Let’s not get distracted, however. It is only a scam because it isn’t what we expected it would be like as kids. ‘..the light in your eyes fades away and dies’. So apt. 

Whether we like it or not, it’s a compulsory stage of our life. We have to go through it. We have to accept that we are not children anymore and that being an adult comes with changes we don’t have a choice but to live with. The complaint is valid nonetheless. As is the pain and frustration. With perseverance, hard/smart work and good decisions, things (would) get better. Someday, we would look back and laugh at how much we used to worry. 

All these words of encouragement don’t change the fact that this whole thing is stresss and I want to die sometimes, however, be not deceived. But (yeah I’m saying it), We Will Be Fine 🙏

#WeGoDeyAlright #StayGuided

The Greatness of Nigerian Music – Yemi Alade

In a male dominated industry, Yemi Alade thrives. She is an icon, a good example showing that gender regardless, when you’re good, you’re good.

yemi alade 2

Yemi Alade’s only problem is she’s too talented, and woke. Which is good because those are enviable problems. Problem goals really.

2013 is the year she rose to fame. After hit single ‘Johnny’, her life has not been the same. Thankfully, she did not turn out to be a one-hit wonder, a la W4 Kontrol, as she has been consistently blessing us with quality music since then.

Yemi Alade’s style is really something. Her songs are generally up-tempo and very dance-able, however, this can prove to be an issue as it sometimes distracts listeners from the conscious messages hidden within the lyrics. A somewhat in-depth review of her lyrics reveals this.

yemi alade 1

 

Johnny leave me follow Cynthia
And i don’t know what to do
And he talk say ‘I no do am’
Like the way Cynthia dey do
Johnny give Uche belle
He talk say he wan marry Nene
Nwokem ke di fe neme
Johnny mo, johnny mo
I’m looking for my johnny eh

– Johnny, 2013

Arguably her best song till date,  Johnny was perfect. The video was even better, hot damn! The chorus is at first glance, complicated. However, with enough time and resources, this scholar was able to understand the subliminal messages embedded within. In this chorus, Yemi Alade tells the story of her lover, Johnny, who is a cheating, two-three-even more-timing bastard. Johnny left her for Cynthia and she didn’t know what to do. He even denied being with Cynthia when confronted, as did Cynthia which suggests he must be manipulative. In addition to this, Johnny impregnated Uche while still dating Yemi and promised to marry Nene. Basically, Johnny is god-scum. The knowledge of this very painful experience Yemi Alade must have gone through makes one really think. How do you go through that and still come out of it unbroken? How do you go through all that and still maintain your sanity; even go as far as become one of the biggest music artistes in the country? Really inspiring.

Yemi Alade is talking to women who may have experienced being jilted; women who may have been cheated on, or made to look like Boo-Boo the Fool by men. She’s telling women to not let it get to them and urges them to, like a phoenix, rise from the ashes. ‘Nwokem ke di fe neme’ – She also advises women to be woke, as in ‘nWOKEm’, to be woke and be able to tell when their men are moving funny. Finally, she tells men to not be scum. What a beautiful soul she has!

 

I know it is our loving you want(take it)
Se na my body you need(stop it)
Cause I know you like Nkechi jollof
I know you like my beans
I know that she give you fufu; You put am for my soup
Baby what you gonna do
I say no do me tumbum
I no come here for tumbum

– Tumbum, 2016

Obviously, men did not take Yemi Alade’s advice from Johnny seriously and so she returned 3 years later with ‘Tumbum’, repeating herself and recounting her experience with another scum guy. While this is nice of her, it is proper sus. You mean she didn’t take her own advice and still fell victim to a bad man? Tragic. This is why Tumbum is a problematic song. It raised questions about Yemi Alade’s genius.

She says some guy took Fufu from Nkechi and put it in her soup. The nerve! And even worse, he likes Nkechi’s Jollof. How are you liking another woman’s Jollof?! She also says he can take her love but not her body, which in this scholar’s opinion is shady and manipulative.

Yemi Alade rounds off the chorus by saying she is not her for games, here for tumbum. Tumbum depicts the juxtaposition of mephobia and ebullient callipygian acumen as well as nidificative usufruct. Very deep message.

Koffi Anan,
Let me see you do the Koffi Anan

If e be rap, e be single
If e be anything you want do alingo

– Koffi Anan, 2015

Sigh. That was this scholar’s initial reaction to the lyrics of this song. It should be noted that this scholar has not listened to the song, however he has studied the lyrics so his analysis still counts.

Koffi Anan is a Ghanian diplomat who served as General Secretary of the UN. He is also a philanthropist, a good guy in general. Yemi Alade’s message to the youth in her song ‘Koffi Anan’ is quite simple. She tells the Nigerian youth to be like Koffi Anan when they grow up. She urges them to work hard and read their books so they can grow up to be men and women of impact. She also says she wants this to be a reality – ‘Let me see you do the Koffi Anan’.

‘If e be rap, e be single, If e be anything you want do alingo’. So very sorry but this particular line makes no sense. This scholar has tried severally to see the wisdom in this line but said wisdom is non-existent. This was another sus move by Yemi Alade.

If you love me you go buy me Ferrari
If you like me you go pay me salary
Cos i love you no be mouth oh

– Ferrari, 2016

See as my waist dey go, na only you fit to make me throwaway See as my waist dey go, na only you fit to make me roll eh

– Tangerine, 2015

Both songs, Tangerine and Ferrari, carry the same message. Yemi Alade finally accepted that men have to be scum. She understands that nothing she says can change it and so she urges women to at least, get something from such men. While the timeline is shady, it suggests she came to the realization later in life. She basically advises women to ask for money and good stuff like a Ferrari, ergo finesse men; after all, I love you is not by mouth. Can’t fault that really. Being a virtuous woman with good morals, she goes on to remind women to only ‘pop it for a real nigga’. We see this where she says ‘Only you fit make me throwaway, only you fit make me roll eh’. In simpler terms, make it roll for a guy that is being serious with you.

Yemi Alade is a gem. Being a country with many unfortunate stuff going on, Yemi Alade is our silver lining. In our country that has many dark clouds, she is our ray of sunshine. An inspiration to both men and women worldwide, an example for young girls everywhere. A queen! Oh, she speaks french too. Oui Oui!

yemi alade 3

The Greatness of Nigerian Music – Tekno Miles

He’s an Alhaji and he’s a Ninja; his name, Tekno Miles.

His stage name. Tekno. What a guy! The fact that no one can think of a good reason to justify that name making sense shows intellectual profundity on Tekno’s part.

tekno ninja 2

Tekno has been around for quite a while. He was discovered in 2013 by Nigerian Comedian, Julius Agwu when he performed ‘Onye Ne Kwu’, his remix of the wise Ice Prince’s hit song, Oleku at an event in Abuja. In this same event, he met Iyanya and some other guy this scholar doesn’t know and became friends with them. Iyanya and said guy encouraged Tekno to move to Lagos to further his music career which he did. Tekno was signed to… yeah, this preamble is boring; let’s discuss his musical genius.

His stock would eventually rise after the release of hit singles, ‘Duro’ and ‘Wash’ in 2014 but ‘Pana’, the worldwide phenomenon released in 2015 can defined as Tekno’s caterpillar-butterfly moment.

Tekno is a beast, a lord, a ninja. He has the formula. And it is hard to deny that he isn’t one of the biggest on the music scene in Nige.. the world actually now.

His music is so deep, and most times, lit. However his ways are suspect. The man is almost always talking about one woman or the other (different women) which suggests that Tekno may be scum, but good scum because he shows diversity in taste. He’s been involved with Folake, a yoruba woman; Diana, most likely a woman from Rivers state since they’re the ones that bear such names, Samantha, an Igbo girl obviously, and a Genevieve whose tribe isn’t known, for now.

Tekno’s scuminicity™ aside, he is a man of great lyrical sagacity. It takes the average mind at least 27 listens to understand what most of his lyrics mean.

“Eh Baby, dibi-daba-diba-dobo
Adaba-dibi-daba-dede-baba”

“Folake Gimme Love, Na you dey catch my shot”

– Pana, 2016

The reason Pana was very successful is Tekno decided to simplify his lyrics. However, he couldn’t help himself so he had to sprinkle some genius here and there. ‘Eh Baby, dibi-daba-diba-dobo, Adaba-dibi-daba-dede-baba’ By using the letter ‘d’ exactly 9 times in this line, Tekno is advising us Nigerians to secure our (d)efense, and he tells our politicians to stop (d)oing bad things. Had we listened at the time, things would be different now.

And of course, the legendary ‘Folake Gimme Love, Na you dey catch my shot’. What most people don’t know is that Tekno is a basketball fan. He subtly asks the Cleveland Cavaliers to give him Love, Kevin Love. Kevin Love is a good rebounder and so Tekno wants him so he can ‘catch his shot’, ergo rebound. Too woke

tekno

“If you likey karaty
I will teach you mathematics”

“You like you gongo aso
Baby girl am nice”

“Other girl dem to the left
Girl you to the right
If you like to watch movies
na me get Shoprite

if it ever gets dark at night
Girl my screen is bright”

– Wash, 2016

Wash was so profound. There are so many messages in this song.

‘If you likey karetey, I will teach you mathematics’. What Tekno means by this is that the Nigerian youth should really be passing Mathematics, as it isn’t as hard as they think. ‘Mathematics’ is also a synonym for hustle. ‘Likey Karatey’ is a play on hard work. Everyone knows learning Karate is quite tough, as it requires dedication, hard work and perseverance. Tekno tells us to display all these qualities related to learning Karate as we go about out daily hustle. A wise man.

‘Gongo aso…….nice’ One for the not so smart. Tekno includes everyone, the wise as well as the not so woke, which is why this substandard bar is in the song.

‘Other girl dem to the left, Girl you to the right, If you like to watch movies, na me get shoprite’. Most malls with a Shoprite outlet have a cinema. Tekno says he will take you to Shoprite but he really means he will take you to see a movie. He doesn’t out rightly say this as he doesn’t want to brag about owning Shoprite. Funds! He always says he is dropping all his hoes, ‘other girls dem to the left’, left, as in he has left them. Amazing guy

‘If it ever gets dark at night, Girl my screen is bright’. This is a very erudite line. This scholar contacted some professors and even they couldn’t explain what it means.

“Your beauty makes me to realize
Say Nepa no bring light”

“If you be Uche, i go look your face”

– Duro, 2015

‘Your beauty makes me to realize, Say Nepa no bring light’. Another tough one. We pray for wisdom to understand.

Tekno is a brave man, a warrior. There is a Nigerian saying, ‘No look Uche face’. But Tekno says here that he doesn’t care and he will stare Uche in the face.

“Nepa no bring light oh,
Generator wan tear my ear”

“I go obodo oyibo, I go dey hurry to come back oh
And when I come back oh, I go dey hurry to go back oh”

“Invest for your country oh, make it a better place
Spend money for your country oh, make it a better place”

“My country people, them go talk talk, them just dey parambulate”

– Rara, 2017

Easily his most conscious and woke song. He addresses Nigeria’s situation. Tekno says he is tired of using generator sets and we, as a collective should be tired as the noise from generator sets is ‘tearing our ears’. A man of the people.

Tekno also talks to Nigerians that want to go to ‘abroad’ so bad. He advises them to calm down because he knows if they eventually go, they would hurry to come back; basically, what he means is, there is no place like home. A man loyal to his country.

The other lyrics in Rara urge Nigerians to invest in our country and make it a better place for the future generation.

Tekno is a gem. With hit singles like Pana, Diana, Yawa, Rara, Wash and Samantha to name a few, he should be protected at all costs. Hash tag he has the formula!

(Side note- research is stress)

The Greatness of Nigerian Music (a series) – Lil Kesh

It hurts knowing there are people out there that do not recognize the gift from God that is Nigerian Music.

Nigeria is blessed, very blessed. We can do things other countries cannot do. For example, we are the first country with a President that is like John Cena, you can’t see him. While there are so many blessings to choose from and talk about, Nigerian music is the topic of this scholar’s research.

Over the past decade, the country has been blessed with all kinds of music. We’ve been privileged to be the home of great men and women who give us quality music to dance and relax to.

This series focuses of select Nigerian music artistes and discusses their greatness.

While it does so in no particular order, the first artiste to kick us off is the man himself, Lil Kesh

Without even going into his lyrical genius, we can see from the image above that this man is life’s special gift to us. His hat says ‘World is Yours, Universe is Mine’. What depth? Makes you really think. It would take great philosophers to study and decipher the message such a phrase carries. He holds up five fingers which represents the five pillars of life. Wow!

Lil Kesh came onto the music scene in 2012 but Nigerians weren’t woke enough at the time and so he had to wait till 2014 when our minds had matured to rise to fame. The man blessed us with the song ‘Lyrically’ that year and it sparked a revolution in the country. Since the release of that song, life has never been the same for Nigerians. While there is no tangible proof of this, it is advisable to just believe it. I mean, do you really need proof to recognize good stuff?

Mr Lil Kesh is really something. Let us discuss his lyrical genius. Every single line of his carries depth and displays genius, and so it would be a very tasking to break every single one down. Also, this scholar is only a human being who doesn’t speak the language of gods so not every line can be understood. Therefore, this scholar will pick select lines his brain can handle.

“Skiboroboskiboskiboroboskiboyebaoshebaddest”

– All Encompassing

 

“Lyrically I show no Mercy, na who say make John sin” – Lyrically, 2014

Do you understand what this line means? Because this scholar doesn’t. Such a mind-blowing line. This is one of the legend’s best lines.

“Wo to ba gbo’mo wa o, We le gbe, we le gbo’mo lo”

“Omo yi ba bend down lo select, Nkan Thomos ba erect”

“I want to ri riboribobo bo, Ehn Riboboribobo, Coming through skiboskibobo, Ah Skiboskibobo”

–  Bend Down Select, 2016

Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Descartes and the likes are rolling in their collective graves. The third line features great use of word play. And for the woke, the word ‘Skiboskibobo’ relates with the legendary catchphrase associated with Mr. Lil Kesh

“Aunty Janet, Omo Pastor to’n fa ci…”

“Nibi bai efejoku ni o, efe efejoku ni o”

– Efejoku, 2015

‘Right here, you will dance almost till death’, the interpretation of the Yoruba line that dominates the chorus of the song. Imagine how powerful a mans lyrics would be for them to let you dance almost till death? Damn.

“Flows e legendary, flows ti t’awon cemetery”

“Mo gbo roboskini run wan je bi chicken”

– Cause Trouble, 2016

This song was so good, D.C based rapper Wale had to get on the next flight to Lagos just so he could work with our very own legend. Levels. Many more foreign artistes must have asked to work with Lil Kesh but one can be sure he turned them down as his main focus is to bless us, his people. A good man, a philanthropist.

Every line on Shoki

– Shoki, Shoki remix

This is probably the man’s greatest work. Not because of how beautiful the song is, but because Lil Kesh was nice enough to accompany the song with the now -international dance move, Shoki. You dance it, your mum dances it, great men dance it. Shoki is global. The scary thing about Shoki is that it was given to use by a young Lil Kesh. Imagine what he will bless us with when he’s 50!

Is it because I love you, Semilore, No Fake Love, Shele Gan Gan, Ibile, Ishe; the list of hits is endless because every song is a hit!

Recently, a video circulated the internet in which Lil Kesh made a special announcement which said ‘I quit music. I am now a business man’. The woke were shook. Even heaven was so shook, it rained so hard for 7 days, the city of Lagos was flooded!!

Words cannot define how awesome Lil Kesh is. Or how powerful the concept of Lil Kesh is. What word can you use in describing a man whose talent and wisdom knows no bounds?

hashtag Skibo!

Elevator with a Stranger

Not being claustrophobic sure made things a bit more comfortable however I was still in a very unsettled state of mind.

I’d seen many movies with this exact same scenario; with most of them not ending really well. And so, it made sense that I would be scared, confused and worried about my life.

Being stuck in an elevator is something I wouldn’t have ruled out happening, considering the state of electrical power supply in this country is abysmal, mostly. But, being stuck in one with a total stranger who looked very suspect? I didn’t see that coming.

Every other time I visited my friend in her building, I always took the stairs. Not because I was scared of elevators, but because I didn’t even know there was one in the building.

On this particular day, my chest felt the need to inconvenience me big time so walking alone was tough, talk less of walking up 12 flights of stairs. So, when I finally found out there was an elevator in the building, I was grateful to the gods of perfect and convenient timing.

After seeing Get Out, which by the way, in my opinion, was a very daft movie – I’ve never seen a more naive black man in my life. Shame. This isn’t a movie review but words can’t describe how pissed I was after wasting 2 hours of my time watching that filth ~rant over~ – white people became proper suspect to me. They’ve been very sus prior to but Get Out intensified things. (Racist much?? Nah. For the next 3 minutes, try not to be woke please)
Yeah, this would’ve made for a decent story uno, butttttt, trust me to come through with that early morning disappointment ✌